Christians
by Maya Angelou - Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
And it is because I am a Christian that I chose LIFE for my daughter who was wanted and planned and thought of before she was conceived...not only by me and Vinnie and Mya...Dominic wasn't too fond of another sibling lol...but Eva was also thought of by her Heavenly Father probably at the same time that I was thought of before my parents conceived.
And ONLY my Heavenly Father knew that Eva would be here on Earth on March 17th, 2008 @ 8:47 AM...and ONLY He knew that she would be called Home early Easter Sunday morning, March 23rd, 2008 @ 2:57 AM.
HE KNEW ALL OF THIS. He knew it all when we knew nothing. And I trusted in Him that ONLY HE would and could carry me thru the darkest hours of those days until I finally got to meet my precious baby girl. And it was HIM who held me in HIS arms that night two weeks ago as I held my baby girl against my bare chest until she breathed her last breath and until her heart beat no more.
I was at peace that night.
I wasn't freaking out like you may think I was or would have been. No, it was Him who calmed all my fears. I told her during those last few moments that it was okay to go. If it was her time than it was okay to go Home. I told her how much we love her and how much she'd be missed.
I trust God with all that I have in me...because only He knows what's best for me...not the coward who thinks that I should have chose a different path.
MY GOD is bigger than you "coward" and MY GOD is bigger than trisomy 18...and that is why I say today, tomorrow and until eternity that I will do it again!
God you are awesome and amazing and w/out you I am nothing. I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for you. I thank you! I thank you for allowing me to be Eva's mommy. I thank you for choosing and trusting ME w/ her life and not the coward who would have killed her.
I thank you! And I love you Lord!
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28 comments:
You are AMAZING!
Chrissy-
Just wanted to tell you hello tonight... I love you and continue to pray for you guys! This IS a hard road and you are SO RIGHT... God is the Great Comforter... even in times that you think would be filled with overwhelming grief and sorrow. I know this feeling of protection and peace as well... Praise the Lord that you felt that in those moments... I was praying for that knowing how amazing it can be.
Thank you for sharing so honestly. God IS so big.
Love you... praying,
Kenzie
Chrissy, I'm sorry you have to deal with people like the anonymous commenter. Know that you have been an encouragement to me. Encouraging me that we are not called to take the easy road...but the road we are called to. (if only we could skate through life without life issues.)
You are in my prayers, today and always!
Chrissy,
I too, have never posted a comment before but want you to know that I have been following your blog, and have praying for you and your family. I believe Eva and God chose you to be her mommy because of the beauty of your soul, your strength, and your deep faith. Though you may not feel strong these days, you are an inspiration to me and many others. Your baby was so precious and beautiful and most of all she was loved and will always be loved. God Bless you.
Amy
Chrissy,
So, so very true!!! What an inspiration you are!! Eva is blessed that you are her mommy!!! (so are Dominic and Mya)
God is good.
Love ya!
Alicia
I just want you to know that I have been following this blog since Eva was born. The message you got from "anonymous" yesterday was too rude. I am so sorry that you had to be subjected to that. I have a little boy with t18 who is 10 yrs. old. I, too, knew about his diagnosis prenatally. I don't think it is true that we chose this road. I don't think I would ever have chosen it if I would have had a choice. But, I would never go back. I would do it all a million times again if it meant I could have my Morgan.
Apparently, the person who made the comment before has never known the kind of love you know you have for and with Eva. Please continue the updates when you feel up to it. It is very encouraging to me. God bless you all and God hold Eva in your tender arms.
Holly McCormick
www.caringbridge.org/visit/morganmccormick
Chrissy and her supportive online 'family',
Thank you for being there for Chrissy. I am a close friend and care very much for her n the family. I appreciate all the kind words and spiritual uplifting that everyone has contributed. I just wanted to send all of you supportive moms this...
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO BE GREAT MOMS, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE
MOMS, THOSE WHO HAVE GREAT MOMS, AND THOSE OF YOU WHO HAD GREAT MOMS...
Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the
sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag
carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child ' s growth is not measured by height or
years or grade... It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mom to
Mother...
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom ' s opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that
she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must
be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the
place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring
that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a
woman with passing years only grows!
Love,
Mel
That was beautiful Mel and so true. You are so fortunate to know Chrissy personally so you can give her a big hug anytime she needs one. I can only Hug her online and encourage her to continue being the beautiful mother that she is. So honest and real, inside and out. I would be proud to call her my daughter anyday.
She is such a blessing to me.
Love, Laurie in Ca.
Chrissy,
I know I will not say this exactly as my heart is feeling but I will try. Praise God for you and your family. Praise God for a sister in Christ. Praise God that you chose to follow our Heavenly Father and try your best to do as HE commands us.
I pray each day for you and your family and for the other's I have met online during my Trisomy 18 learnings. I cannot tell you exactly how I came to find all of you except GOD brought me to you all through your sharings. With that said, I thank you for reminding me that it is ok to fail and still call yourself His child.
Thank you for reminding me that HE is ALWAYS there and listening even when I don't think that anyone is listening. I am a Christian who has stumbled many times but I praise God that I can go to Him and ask for His forgiveness and acknowledge that I have failed and He will open His arms and hold me once again.
You have shown the "cowards" of this earth that we will follow our God even through persecution because our Heavenly Father is BIGGER than anything!
God Bless you and your family.
Sonja
you don't know me, but i came across your blog just about the time your daughter was born.
i would just like to say that you are giving this anonymous person way too much power. i'm pretty sure that the many posts about her and to her, calling her a coward, defending your position, etc., is exactly what this person wants. she wanted to stir up trouble and get attention... and that's exactly what you're all giving her! she's probably checking in every now and again, having a chuckle over each new post directed her way. the best response to someone like this is to just ignore it.
it seems like there are many loving, godly people in your life who care for you deeply. please don't continue to give so much power to one negative person.
chelsea
Chelsea,
So true.
I just have to tell you this.... You ARE an AMAZING woman! I am apalled at the comment someone left you on you blog a day or so ago. That person is obviously a very miserable person and has nothing better to do with their time! It sounds like you have set them straight....so good for you! You have every right to feel any way you want to feel and others should have more compassion. Others who don't understand and are quick to judge may find themselves in your shoes one day! At the very least they WILL have judgement day when it's their time. I pray for you daily and will continue to do so. You are a beautiful and wonderful mom and no one can take that away from you! God Bless.........
Hi Chrissy,
I have been following your blog for quite a while. I followed your doctors appts, I celebrated along with you when Eva was born, I mourned for you when she went to be with the Lord.
You are so strong and I know God blessed you with Eva for a reason. You are great for sharing that with others.
I have cystic fibrosis and all I can say is that I'm so happy that my parents didn't have the decision 30 years ago to abort me. I feel you did the right thing by having Eva. She was only on Earth for a very short time but she left her little bitty footprints on all of our hearts.
Thanks for sharing your story with us!
Many prayers to you,
Kelli
Ohio
AMEN!
Dearest Chrissy:
It brings great sadness that someone would attack you during this very sensitive time in your life...
And it brings me great joy to see the way that you responded to the "Cowards" of the world... This is very unlike the way you used to respond...
Continue to lean on God through your difficult times... As I told you the day I saw Little Miss Eva... I am so very proud of you... I pray for you and the rest of the family and ask that God would give you the peace that you need...
Everybody at some point in there lives needs to have that precious space from everyone that you have so eloquently requested... I respect that... I pray that others will respect that... "The Coward" obviously does not know the Lord the way you do and we all need to pray for that person... Boundaries are key in all relationships... I am glad that you are able to set boundaries in your life...
Chrissy continue to be strong and courageous... You did the right thing by bringing Eva into this world... And God has done the gracious thing by taking her home...
Be gentle with yourself during this time of grief... You know in the Jewish culture they take a year to greive there losses... Take your year babe and seek God...
I love you and I am here whenever you need me...
Love you sis,
Dawn
Oh, Chrissy,
I am so sorry to hear that someone wrote something so mean in the comments.
Keep positive - you have so many supporters out here in "cyberspace"! Don't let one person get you down!!!
Allison
chrissy, when you mentioned the '6 weeks' mourning period - i don't think so. it takes SO much longer than that with good days and bad days. it is a grief that ebbs and flows - seems to go away completely sometimes and then WHAM hits you in the face at an unexpected time. you wonder if those WHAMS will ever be less frequent and less painful - they will. but heavens, not in just 6 weeks. don't be embarassed by your tears, your breakdowns in target or wherever. cry in church until you think you can't cry anymore and then cry some more. God will get you through this. we are all right beside you praying for you. love, j
As humans in the flesh it is very easy to criticize and judge others...to offer advice in our own humble opinion thinking some how or another that our words will bring about a magical transformation in someone. Unfortunately, we can't...only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus can truly bring us the comfort and peace that you speak about. Most of those who criticize most likely are not in a close relationship with the Lord and do not know the power of the blood of Christ. They cannot fathom a decision that goes against the norm, nor can they fathom the blessings that can be found in the midst of our sufferings. God has a plan to prosper you and your family, not to cause harm. I am praying for your continued strength as you navigate this uncharted territory in your life, that satan would not be able to steal any joy that you have found, and through it all your walk would become closer. I pray for the people that read your blog that do not know Christ and for those that feel the need to tear you down that they find that peace and forgiveness in their own lives. May God bless you today.
Chrissy,
Say it LOUD and say it proud! U R so right and that strength even when you feel week is the TRUTH! GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER than all of this. He IS the name above ALL names and He is worthy of the praise you just gave Him! I know your heart is hurting and your arms are aching but I know deep down inside you have a promise from the Lord to hold another infant born to you! Amazing strength is what I want to say to you but truly I believe AMAZING GRACE. Press in to the only one who can carry you righ now.
Love & Blessings,
Melissa
Sorry- ONE MORE THING not sure if I commented about posting the pictures of Eva at her service. I just wanted to tell you how very perfect, peacfull and perfect she looked. I personally think you made a very wise and proud momma decission:)
Perfect in every way,
Melissa
ARGGG....sorry for posting so many but I just read your post on "Today has been a good day". Just make sure in your spare time to go and read my comments:)
Take care of one another and hug extra tight:)
Melissa
the serial commentor!!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. May the Lord continue to provide strength and comfort.
This is a great poem, and very inspirational. It was actually written by a woman named Carol Wimmer, but somehow has been attributed to Maya A. Thank you for sharing it with us.
http://www.carolwimmer.com/poem.cfm
Your sister in Christ,
Jennifer in PA
I just logged on tonight... And was so excited to see the wonderful new collague of Eva's life...
This will leave an everlasting impression of how precious such a little one can be in such a short amount of time...
Love ya sis,
Dawn
Hi Chrissy,
Praying you through today sweet friend, asking God to bless your space:) I love all the pictures up top of Miss Eva and her family in love. She sure has touched my heart and I think of her daily. Beautiful and perfect baby blessing from God to you and to us:) I care about how you are doing girl, and you won't be getting rid of me any time soon:) No way! Take good care of yourself and do what you need to do each day to get through.
Love you, Laurie in Ca.
I invite you to visit www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com for a blessed story similiar to yours. Angie has such a genuine truth and faith as she faced delivering her precious girl today as well as the angst of the weeks leading up until today. It is an inspirational story and I can only hope and pray that you too might find some comfort from a fellow mom walking in your shoes this very moment.
I love what you did to the blog! It looks great!!! Love ya, Mel
WOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE COULD BE SO COLD AS THAT COWARD. WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO JUDGE? I THINK YOU DID WHAT ANY LOVING PARENT WOULD DO, YOU GAVE EVA YOUR ALL. I WOULD HAVE MADE THE SAME CHOICE, TRUSTUNG THAT GOD'S WILL BE DONE. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HAD TO MAKE THAT CHOICE AT 20 WEEKS AND SHE CHOSE ANOTHER PATH AND THOUGH I WOULD NEVER JUDGE HER FOR HER CHOICES, I KNOW THAT I COULDN'T FOLLOW THAT PATH, I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT IF, WHAT IF THE DRS WERE WRONG, WHAT IF I MADE THE WRONG CHOICE...ETC. I WOULD FOLLOW THRU BECAUSE I WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE WHAT GOD WOULD WANT. YOU ARE AMAZING AND STRONG, AND GOD WILL CARRY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THRU THIS TIME.
Praying for you.
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