A well needed, overdue update...

I apologize for the long delay between updates. You'd think that after being on bed rest for over 3 weeks that I would have nothing but time on my hands. And I do have tons of time on my hands but I tend to get on the computer to check email, the blog world and the good ol' bank account and that's it. I barely even talk on the phone anymore. I figured I'd update tonight before tomorrow's appointments so I do not get too much further behind.

Backing up to Monday, January 21st appointment and ultrasound...

All in all the appointments went well. I asked a few questions and it seems that the perinatologists and I are on the same page when it comes to my delivery requests and options. I have been reassured that I will be treated as a "normal" pregnant women and that gives me much hope and comfort. The ultrasound went as it has, again nothing "new" which is a plus to me. Eva's head is measuring about 2 weeks behind, her limbs about 3 weeks and her abdomen about 4 weeks. All of the measurements must be "normal" for the diagnosis and none have been brought to my attention. The only reason why I know the lack in growth is from watching the screen and watching the numbers...other than that, they say nothing. The amniotic fluid is "slightly" increased and again not by a major amount nor is this an issue. I have been measuring right on track, maybe a week larger than I should be but not a ginormous difference. Eva's weight was approximately 2 pounds 5 ounces, which is about a 12 ounce gain in 3 weeks, 4 ounces a week, which seems good to me, again nothing has been said about this either.

I go back tomorrow to the pediatric cardiologist for a follow-up fetal echo cardiogram and to the perinatalogist afterwards. I pray that I see one of the doctors I like opposed to the rude, ignorant, no bed side manners...you get my point.

Praising God that I have made it almost 4 weeks beyond the test that indicated the possibility of delivering within 7 days. After researching the test online (I have become a research queen since the diagnosis) I came to find out that a positive result could mean that it is likely to deliver within 7, 14 or 21 days. Needless to say I am at 26 days now! WAHOO! Praise God. I do believe that is the result of answered prayers!

Another answered prayer is that I have been on bed rest for almost 4 weeks and will remain on bed rest until after delivery. I know that my work may not be too thrilled about this one but Eva and I are very happy and comfortable! Again PRAISE GOD!

My prayers for now are for Eva's continued growth, to make it to March 21st (Good Friday - seems like a good day to me - I'll be 38 1/2 weeks), the fetal echo to reveal nothing "new" but maybe a decrease in the size of the VSD, to see the "nice" doctor tomorrow and most of all for my family.

We had a rough day on Friday, and not so much pregnancy related... The kids seems to be having some difficulties at school as well as home, again nothing major but some things that need to be addressed now in fear that our lives may be far from normal in these upcoming weeks and months so I am trying to nip what I can NOW! So please pray for Mya and Dominic as I know that they're affected in their own ways w/ all of this.

Same goes for Vinnie and I. We have a lot on our plates right now, as you could imagine and I just pray that things will run smooth or as smooth as possible in the upcoming days, weeks and months. It is hard w/ my limited income and my limited activities for him to pick up my slack. I know that we will always have what we need but sometimes it's hard to have and keep the faith.

Vinnie and I are starting to change our minds about some of the plans and arrangements for Eva if and when the time may come (and I do not mean medically). Please pray for us as we try to make the best decisions. I know that God will continue to guide us as he already has thus far.

I plan to upload the 121 pictures for my latest 3D-4D ultrasound soon. I had this done on the 21st as well and just haven't felt like sitting here and uploading 5 pics at a time. And of course I can't just make it simple and upload few. I gotta do them all!

I know I may be missing a few things due to it being late and the lack of a comfy computer chair at this bedroom computer (not sure why I didn't start out on the lap top while laying in bed) but I hope to update again this week w/ the findings from tomorrow, as well as the pics.

And as most of you know, it has been a difficult month for me. January that is... When I started out on this journey I was first directed to the blog of Poppy Joy Luce and was ecstatic to find someone else who was currently on the same path as I...then from there it just spiraled to so many other stories...Jonathan Jared Edwards, Tristan Asher Hostetter , Mary Grace Summons, Maddox Stanfield all of which had T18 too. It breaks my heart to have witnessed via the Internet all of their stories and unfortunate losses prior to my own. I had such high hopes and dreams and prayed over and over again for these babies and their families (and I still do) but in the end was the reality of it all...of the T18. I will admit that it is very hard to continue to have the high hopes and remain standing in the faith and continue to praise God after seeing all of these outcomes especially before my own. The loss of Tristan Asher Hostetter hit me like a ton of bricks. What seemed to be so unexpected really was expected but I wasn't prepared for it. I sat at the computer that night and sobbed staring at the screen. Mya rubbed my back saying that everything would be okay. Mya still pulls up Tristan's page and looks through all of his pictures. And then to have to try to answer her questions pertaining to Eva makes me wanna curl up in a ball and hide from the inevitable. It makes me second guess the decision I made 19 weeks ago. I KNOW I made the best decision I could for ME, but was it the best for my other children? I so want to know what the future holds for us...

I have added a new blog to my prayer list, if you haven't noticed...Jacob Ryan Fahmer. Please pray for them! Also please pray for the family of Happy Bolte. Although Happy does not have T18 his family is still in need of your prayers. And Gwyneth Rose too! She has a long way to come as well as her Mom. Both are by far in the clear and out of the woods. Please continue to lift them up as well. And I do not by any means want people to stop praying for the list of others that I have mentioned before. Their journeys may appear to be over because their pregnancies are and their babies are now in heaven but the reality of it all is that their hearts still ache, they are still grieving and are still working through he healing process. Please pray for them too.