Keller, TX ~ August 7th, 2010

Keller, TX ~ August 7th, 2010
The "eight of us" together w/ our NEW babies after our losses...

Living Proof ~ June 13th, 2009 ~ Pittsburgh, PA ~ Beth Moore

Deeper Still ~ June 28th, 2008

Deeper Still ~ June 28th, 2008
The "eight of us" w/ Beth Moore (w/ empty arms)...

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Today was THAT day...

Today was THAT day last year when I received that horrific phone call. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I know where I was, what I was doing, where I was going...even what I was wearing. That phone call changed my life. That baby girl, who I didn't know was a girl at that time, changed my life. Today, this year...I am a different person. I think differently, I act differently, I love differently, I hug differently, I even cry life is different. Different indeed. And I am so thankful to be here, standing, today.

Last year, this day...I was knocked over by the biggest, baddest storm ever. One that took the breath out of my lungs and one that I never thought I would live through. One that I thought would not only take my precious baby's life but mine too. But w/ God I came through that storm, and I am standing today to say I did it. It was far from easy. It still ain't over but I am standing today and that, to me, is an accomplishment.

I may not be where I am at if it wasn't for the help of this place...this blog...this public journal of my life. Strangers who have followed, loved and cried from afar...I couldn't thank you enough for carrying me when I couldn't walk on my own. Thank you for carrying my mat. Luke 5:17-20

A year ago today I remember saying to my PCP on the phone as I cried that I couldn't be the reason for my baby's heart to stop. That if her heart was going to stop than I would leave it to God. He was in control, not I. And she said to me that if God was so high and mighty why do things like this (T18) happen in the first place. Wow. Wow, is all I can say all over again. I am so thankful that I didn't feed into that nor question such a thing.

HE is high and mighty. And HE is in control. No doctor could tell me a year ago today that my daughters heart would beat for not only 38 weeks inside of me but for an additional 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes here on this earth. There in my arms, in Vinnie's arms, in Dominic's arms and in Mya's arms too. NO DOCTOR was high and mighty enough to KNOW! ONLY HE KNEW! AND I thank HIM for HIS promise that allowed me to trust in only Him. Those doctors told me I'd miscarry. Then they said I'd likely deliver between 28-34 weeks. At 28 weeks a test detected a possible delivery within 7-14-21 days. I carried her another 10 weeks after that test.

Statistics are for the birds. I beg to differ w/ the statistics of T18. Look at my side bar. Read, if you haven't yet all the stories of T18 babies that were born alive, and lived minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Maybe it's about time they re-do the statistics...(no need for a debate here, just my opinion)

My point of this blog...I don't even know. But I do know that I am doing well today despite that I miss my baby girl.


Update on the Tastefully Simple...I am less that $100 away from my goal w/ a couple potential orders pending. Looking good and I should make it. Don't let that scare you away. I am still offering the "promotion" until Tuesday, September 30th and even thereafter I can take orders and still offer a little something off. But come December it will be crunch time again so I will be running my good ol' "promotion" again. I will post a final order/dollar count as well as many thank you's come Wednesday. Thank you to all thus far!

Ticker...for those who have emailed and asked.

I have a pregnancy ticker up and running way down at the very bottom of my page. It's been there since maybe even before I "officially" announced the news.

As of today, I am 17 weeks and 2 days. That is going by my cycle dates. I have had maybe 3 ultrasounds (one just for the confirmation and cause I was having some cramping and my doctor is WONDERFUL and probably just wanted to reassure me that all was well and one for the 1st trimester screening to measure the nuchal fold - nuchal translucency).

Each ultrasound has been pretty close w/ the dates maybe 2-4 days plus the cycle date. My due date according to my cycle is 3/6/09 and according to one or two of the three ultrasounds my due date was determined to be 3/8/09...Therefore, when asked I say 3/7/09...ten days before Eva's 1st birthday.

So, if you are wanting to follow along with the ticker please scroll all the way down to the bottom.

God's Pharmacy

I received this in an email. I don't know who wrote it. I just liked it...

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish...all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.

These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...

God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak... These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocado's, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow.

Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produces tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.


I received this in an email. I do not know who wrote it. I just liked it...


If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.'
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tastefully Simple

Some of you know and others do not but I sell Tastefully Simple. I have been only selling the minimum per quarter just to remain a consultant because I like having the discount for myself and I hope and plan to get back up and running...someday.

We are at the end of the quarter, being Tuesday, September 30th, and I am in a bit or a crunch. I need a couple hundred dollars more in sales to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant.

I just got wind that the summer line items (those that are left and while supplies last) are 25% off. I am also offering some promotional discounts myself, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise). So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts for the upcoming holidays, please email me! (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line)

Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments!

I know...I know...

I know, I owe an update and tons of pictures. I am horrible at this blog thing anymore. Although, I do check on a ton of you of daily because that takes less time than it does to sit here and type my inner most thoughts and feelings. I always recite over and over again in my head what I plan to post next but those thoughts never make it here.

We are so busy but I guess that's what works for us. That doesn't mean that I am all better it just means that my life has slowly adjusted to reality of my daughter not being physically here w/ me. I miss here just as much today, if not even more, than I did minutes after she was gone. It baffles me how people tend to tell you that life gets easier...I beg to differ. It never gets easier. It will hurt forever. There will always be that empty feeling and that one little person will always be missing. PERIOD! Never gets easier. You just find your own, new coping mechanism. Mine, I guess is staying busy. And I have to say it is a true blessing being pregnant again and anticipating this new little life. It gives me so much hope and so much to be thankful for and another reason to trust and believe that God is indeed good and hears our prayers and answers them in His time.

I had my 16 week blood work done on Monday. I wasn't really worried about the results although I did call the next day to see if the results were in. I didn't know how long they would take but wanted the office to know that I was waiting on the results and to call me. I called again today just to see if they were in and that is when I realized how anxious I really was. Then a bit of fear set in. The thoughts of ...oh my...and...what if...and how could I do something like that again...but I tried my best to shut those thoughts down. I called the office once more, about 3 minutes before they closed and left yet another message just stating that I didn't want to be left hanging over the weekend and if the results weren't in to please at least let me know. Within minutes the phone rang. The nurse on the other end said that all the screening results were negative. I asked if that meant that they were normal results...and she said yes. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Now, the next big appointment is October 13th. The level II ultrasound. I cannot wait. We will not be finding out the gender, at least that is my plan, but we will be making sure that all actually looks good. Please pray for this appointment.

I went back today and re-read last years posts. I received the T18 diagnosis call on September 28th, which is just 2 days away. What a year it has been. So bittersweet. I can barely read my own words. I so wish this was someone elses story and not mine. Don't get me wrong...I love Eva more than life itself, just wish I had her here and not waiting for me in Heaven.

I know I am missing lots of things w/ this post and I know I have more on my heart and on my mind but for whatever reason I am at a loss for words. I hope to continue this in a little bit...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Today is the 23rd.....6 months out and yet 4 months many mixed emotions today.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Please PRAY!

Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20

Please be on your knees w/ me in prayer for the precious Stanfield Family! I had gotten a text from Kenzie on Wednesday night stating that she was in the hospital w/ preterm labor (at 26 weeks w/ baby Faith Clare), having contractions and slightly dilated. At this time I text messaged my friends, family and church asking for their prayer support.

As of today Kenzie is still in the hospital, still contracting and the medication is not doing what the doctors hoped it would, not to mention that it is causing her much discomfort. She just had a test done (same test I had done in January w/ Eva...mentioned in this post) as is waiting on the results. Praying for a negative result but knowing that a positive result doesn't mean a thing. My results were positive and Eva was delivered 10 weeks later.

Here is the link to their blog

Please visit them, comment to let them know you care and please continue to pray them thru till their December due date. God is in control.

Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20