Keller, TX ~ August 7th, 2010

Keller, TX ~ August 7th, 2010
The "eight of us" together w/ our NEW babies after our losses...

Living Proof ~ June 13th, 2009 ~ Pittsburgh, PA ~ Beth Moore

Deeper Still ~ June 28th, 2008

Deeper Still ~ June 28th, 2008
The "eight of us" w/ Beth Moore (w/ empty arms)...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thinking of you Ashley...

Please pray for their hearts as they mourn the loss of their precious daughter. I know their pain all too well, it tears at my heart.

The latest from Ashley's Caring Page...

THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2008 06:03 PM, CDT
This is not something I hoped to share so soon - Faith died at 5:32 this evening.

More information will follow later.


Friday morning PS - Ashley and Adam are home now and are working on funeral arrangements... details will be posted soon.

I want to encourage everyone to take some time to sign Faith's online guestbook - even if you only sign your name. It is a great encouragement - something difficult to explain.

There are a lot of things to work through right now - and God's grace is evident in the courage and fortitude Adam and Ashley are demonstrating each step of the way.

This will be a long journey for Ashley, Adam and the girls. Right now, there is a lot of work to do but as time passes, their heart will catch up with their mind and our faithful acts of love and encouragement will be needed and appreciated.


Update on Faith...

Update from Ashley's Caring Page...

THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2008 01:41 PM, CDT
She's here! Faith Ann Webb was born at 12:12PM Thursday, May 22nd.

Weighing in at 4lb 10oz and 18 inches long she is bright eyed and bringing smiles to everyone!

Ashley had a quick labor and everything well. (A little too quick - the scheduled doctor couldn't make it in time:)

Right now, Ashley, Adam and family are enjoying some time together - so I am off to join the crew... update and photos will follow later.

Ashley's very proud big brother,


Another Urgent Prayer Request!

I read this post tonight on Angie Smith's blog...I reposted it cause I coundn't word it any better than she did. My heart aches for the Chapman family.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Urgent Prayer Request
I can't think of a faster, more efficient way to mobilize prayer than to post this here...

Please, please pray (right now!) for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. Details are still in process, but it appears that one of his sons was pulling into their driveway this evening and did not see his sister (5 year old Maria..adopted from China) in front of him. She was struck by the car and killed.

I have met him, but do not know him personally, although his reputation as a Christ-centered man precedes him. I cannot imagine what they are going through right now.

Please pray specifically for peace tonight in the midst of the storm. Feel free to leave those prayers here in the comments section, as well as any scriptures you feel you have been led to pray for them. There is power in the living word of God...power that a dear family needs tonight.

Thank you-

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Please pray tonight, tomorrow and for many days to come for the sweet family of Faith Ann Webb... Mom Ashley, Dad Adam, and big sisters Brooke and Hannah will be welcoming baby Faith Ann into this world tomorrow. We already know that, due to the trisomy 18 diagnosis, Faith and her family will need God's hands in all that they face in the minutes, hours, day, weeks and years ahead. Please pray for His perfect timing and for their hearts to feel His love and comfort. They need to feel our prayers as they face the unpredictable.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Rain...Rain...Go Away!

It has been raining for days. I don't care for rain. I'd rather it snow...and I don't like snow either. But at least w/ snow you can walk in and out of places w/out getting drenched or even really wet for that matter.

The rain seems to damper my well as my mood. Even if we get a little bit of sunshine it still manages to rain somewhere throughout the day. The cemetery is a swamp. That's the only thing I don't like about where Eva was laid to rest. It is grossly muddy and soggy. The ground has settled a little too much where her tiny casket went into the ground and it tends to obtain a nice puddle.

Friday I stopped by the cemetery, as I still do on a daily basis. I squatted down to talk to her and asked her to send us some sunshine. I told her to get in kahoots (is that even a word or the way to spell it) w/ God and send us some sun! Vinnie was home from work earlier and I was running errands before the kids got off their buses. Dominic has been squinting a little too much lately so I thought it'd be best for an eye exam since his last one was in 2006. I was able to get him an appt at 5:30 and we were planning to go to Olive Garden for dinner at 6:30 so it worked out pretty nice. As we exited the mall after the eye exam to head to dinner...would you believe it...the rain had subsided and we had the most gorgeous sunshine for what seemed like a few hours! I knew she could hear me. I knew They could here me. What a difference a little bit of sun can do to ones mood! Dinner was great (thanks Aunt Donna for the birthday gift card)!

I guess I haven't posted in a while. Just backing up a few days...I celebrated my first birthday and mothers day as a mother of 3...all in one week. My birthday was no big deal, as it never is, nor has it been since I had kids of my own. We would normally do dinner or something, which we did...but this year we ate pasta dinner at Mya's school. Yum! (can you sense the sarcasm)? Mother's day was fine (as I posted that afternoon) but I did go to the cemetery that evening then to a family/friends house to watch the Penguin game. I let my emotions get the best of me as I sat next to one of my very bestest friends (whose birthday was that day) and sensed that she was miserable (it was one of those numbers that I guess as a woman we don't like too much). I asked if she was miserable, she said yes. I said well I'm right there w/ you. She said well at least you aint *0...(that number she doesn't like) and I said I'd rather be *0 and have all my children here than to be 29 w/out Eva. SO of course I cried.

I think I should be crying more. I don't think I should be doing this well. All in all I think being off work helps tremendously. I am sure that once I go back and get back into the swing of things I will be fine...but the thought of doing ANYTHING that I did when I was heart wrenching! I mean even down to watching certain TV shows and watching particular movies. I had to cancel my Netflix membership because I had two movies that sat on my computer desk from three days before Eva was born until last week. I couldn't bring myself to watch them. Seems silly, even to me, but you just don't know what it feels like to do go places where I last went while pregnant. Work is one of those places. I have only been back once since Eva was born and gone...and that was for a co-workers shower. I was there for less than two hours and that was enough for me. Taking the bus too. I just don't wanna do it. Please pray for me as I am to return back to work within the next couple of weeks.

Another prayer request...I am attempting to plan a mini trip the end of June. And leaving Vinnie, Dominic and Mya behind (I'll posted details later so you'll understand why they would not be coming along). I am still praying about this. Praying that everything works out as it is supposed to and that all the details, big and small, fall into place. Praying that I am physically, mentally, emotionally and financially able to do my heart desires it oh so much.

I thank those who continue to follow and pray for me...and for us. I guess the less I post the less I hear from my fellow bloggers, but who am I to say anything cause I read many and comment few and far between.

I know I still have some catching up to do but being so far behind I forget a lot of what I had wanted to say.

Please pray for the family of Zoe Elizabeth Batiansila as it seems she is getting tired these days.

And please continue to pray for Jacob Ryan Fahmer as he seems to be feeling a little better but not completely outta the woods.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Thanks Mel...



"Bye Bye"

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
Assume that you reached a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever


(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather's
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye



Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Hi. It's Karen. Jacob has headed in a new direction. He spiked a fever of 102.1 (which is high for him since his temp is usually about 96 or 97). His respiratory rate and heart rate increased which gave him less frequent apnea spells but we fear him tiring out....he was breathing with lots of effort. We wiped him down with a wash cloth (meds are not an option and he should not be submerged to avoid chilling him) and this dropped his temp to 98.6 which is great. Pray he maintains that. He is now resting comfortably, his heart rate is normal for him and his apnea spells are still happening but he is alert to snap himself out of it. His belly is distended which leads me to believe his higher calorie formula could be giving him tummy trouble. He is currently on plain breastmilk again and his next feed we will give him one dose of pedialyte and then back to breastmilk to avoid bloating like last weeks episode. So, that is where we are at. THANK YOU for all your prayers and support. Please pray for wisdom and guidance and a strong, fighting baby boy.

Monday, May 12, 2008


Below is the most recent post on baby Jacob Ryan Fahmer 's blog. I know how they feel at such an uncertain time. Please pray for all that are, dad...both big brothers...and for the nurses and/or doctors (as well as their entire family)!

And most of all pray for Jacob...that he feels no pain and does not struggle and that God will comfort them as the make decisions that parents should never have to make. Only God knows the number of Jacobs days....praying that He allows the Farmer family many many more w/ their precious miracle child who has already beat so many odds!

Praying for you, Karen, Jason, Joshua, Jonathan and even more for you baby JACOB!

Urgent Prayer Requested!
Karen called me home from work tonight because Jacob wasn't doing well. His nurse is at the house currently and he's having difficulty breathing in his right lung. He's spewed out most of his last feed from over 5 hours ago and it doesn't look like he was digesting it or absorbing his medicine. The worst part though is that he's had several long periods where he's stop breathing all together and hasn't been able to be stimulated out of it. The nurse is giving us instructions on how to stimulate his heart as long as it continues to beat and after that... we're not ready to go there! Please continue to lift him up and pray that he is able to breathe steadily and tolerate his food and medicine! Thanks!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Wake up...and smell the roses...

I know that I have been posting a lot less lately and I have a lot of catching up to do but I am not going to do that right now. I sometimes just don't feel like sitting here and typing the day away. If I could speak my way thru a post I would do it all the time. Those who know me...know I can talk...a little too much I guess! :) (Sorry Kristy and Alicia! - Believe it or not I spoke to each of you for 111 minutes the other day!)

I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of my Mommy friends...near and and old! You all mean a lot to me and have help me get through each and every day of this new life I am living.

Happy Mother's Day to you MOM and Grandma too! I love you both more than you may ever know.

I slept in very late today...3:50pm to be exact. I may have been up off and on throughout the morning but didn't really get up up until then. So, yes, needless to say...I missed church, again.

I am supposed to be getting showered and dressed and ready to go to our friend's house (although I did manage to get to the grocery store already to buy the "Penguin Game Essentials" for Vinnie) but I jumped on here to read my "blogger families" updates.

I came across a post of Kristy's that I wanted to share...

Their roses are amazing!

As you all know...Eva's name means LIFE. I did a search for life on the website and this was one of the four results...

It's called...Good Life!

I fell in love!

It is beautiful and unique...just as Eva is.

(A lovely exhibition formed rose. Its unusual color is an apricot orange with dark veining in the petals making it very unique. A vigorous, upright plant with rich green foliage.)

I showed it to Vinnie...and he too agreed.

We can't plant them at the cemetery cause of the bunnies or whatever animal that has eaten or other roses but we can get them to plant them here...either along the side of the house or in the wonderful angel planters that we had at the funeral home.

Either way I am excited.

Thank you for sharing Kristy!

Friday, May 9, 2008

I Believe...that I needed this email today!

I Believe... That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe... That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Jacob needs your prayers...

Please visit, comment and pray for the family of baby Jacob Ryan Fahmer. He seems to be having some difficulties these days and is in need of your thoughts and prayers at this time. Please pray for his mom, dad and big brothers too. This journey is not an easy one but we all know that God has it all under control. Even when we don't understand...His timing is perfect in all things. We must believe that!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Do not be afraid...

The Lord who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you."
Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Thank you...and...Playing Catch Up

(F)orever (R)elying (O)n (G)od!

Thank you for the prayers lifted up on my dads behalf. His surgery went well and he is home resting. As you can probably tell I was not able to blog while waiting for him. I was able to get a signal but could not access any pages. So I uploaded pics, read a new book, made a few calls and thought about Eva the entire time we were there. For whatever reason Mondays and Thursdays are tough for me. I miss her so much and the pain is sometimes unbearable. It made he think about all the appointments that I would have w/ her if she were still here. All the appointments that I so very much wanted to attend and anticipated...

I was going to wait to share this but why wait...This is one of the very few clips we have of Eva while in the NICU. I knew I had this clip but never watched it until two nights ago. And even then I showed it to Vinnie first thru the camera. It was when he said "did you see this" that I opened it on the PC and about fell off the edge of the bed. I didn't know it was to this extent. It may look like nothing to you...but it means the WORLD to me! And it made my day, night, week, month, year! (might be hard to see...but the focus would be on her eyes and the binky).

Okay, let me try and catch up...

Wednesday, April 23 - Eva's 1st month in Heaven...

I thought this day would be hard...I thought it'd be much harder than it actually was. It really wasn't hard at all. I didn't plan anything for that day "just in case". We didn't do too much besides went to the cemetery and gave Eva a little "makeover". We were pleased w/ the results of Eva's Extreme Makeover...



Yes, we tend to make ourselves a little comfy...(those would he his shoes and socks in the background)

I like sky shots these days...

A storm appeared to be brewing...

Pinwheels, pinwheels spinning around...

Afterwards, we met up w/ my friend M and her son C for ice cream. It was nice to hang out in the parking lot as well as in the candy store. The yummiest was the chocolate dipped marshmallows on a stick...and even our dogs made out! :)

I looks a little gross...but it wasn't!

They weren't too sure what to do w/ these...

Later that night I ended up in the basement for a while trying to organize my maternity clothes. I didn't realize how much I had until then. WOW! Craig's List sure did come in handy this time around! I may have spent a total of $150 and oh my do I have a lot (8 pairs of jeans, 30 some shirts, several sweaters, dress shirts, dress pants, etc). And being on bed rest the last 10-12 weeks...lets just say many things were never even worn. But I have so much to either resell, lend out, give away or save for the future...I still have clothes from Dominic and Mya's pregnancies too which added to the mess...needless to say I am not quite finished organizing.

Thursday, April 24

My mom had called a little after noon and left a message stating that she and her friend CK we going to lunch. I wasn't ready (cause I was still in bed) but decided that I'd try to make it anyways and got up. (CK had lost her 17 yr old daughter AK in January 2007. AK was walking home from a friends house when a drunk driver-junky jumped the curb in a truck or van and slammed right into her pinning her between the vehicle and a building. This was CK's only living child...CK had delivered twins girls (AK & CK) but lost (CK) at birth...AK was her one and only baby girl left). My reason for going into that detail here is because I felt the need that day to see CK and to talk w/ her and to give her a hug. If anyone knows this pain...she would (and it turns out that she was having a difficult day).

I missed lunch but met up w/ them at the store across the street. From there they were going to visit AK at the cemetery, the same cemetery where my grandfather is. I went w/ them and placed some flowers w/ AK...the ones we removed from Eva the night before.

When standing over my pap pap there was a women standing right next to him visiting both of her parents. One passed in October, the other in December...they were both in their 90's. How blessed they all have their parents that long, to have been married 68 some years and to have them not be able to live w/out one another and to be reunited w/ each other in Heaven so soon. God is good! I stood and spoke to this women for what seemed like a hour...we talked about my kids, her kids and life. She is a home health nurse so we even talked about medical stuff too. We hugged as we departed and I left smiling and happy to have met someone so nice and caring.

We had soccer practice later that night, met w/ my friend M and her son C again at the field. Dominic and C played kickball w/ a ton of kids, rode bikes and played while Mya practiced. We got fast food after and came home having had a great day.
Friday, April 25

I went to my office downtown for a co-workers baby shower. It was nice to be in the work setting w/out having to actually work...sorry R...I'll be back some day! lol
Cake was great, vanilla ice cream is boring...and my sushi place was sold out! Vinnie had dropped me off to get back to get the kids after school so I took a bus home. I was able to see a couple of bus friends that I hadn't seen in a few months so that was nice as well.

Vinnie and the kids got me from the bus stop, we stopped to grab chips to go w/ my dip I made (Vinnie actually made it) and went to the cemetery before heading to my friend T's son C's 2nd b-day party. We had a great night celebrating and eating w/ friends and got home late.
Again, we get comfy...
And some of us like to pose...

I wasn't mad...just didn't know I was being photographed at that very moment...

Not sure...don't ask! Can we say...class clown? Better yet, DORK!
How cool are these...
I set the camera on the stone in front of Eva...zoomed in...set the timer...and ran!
Mya did this one...(setting the timer that is).

Not sure again...
My pretty pretty princess shining through...
C's b-day cute is he?

This was my..."I'm ready when you are Vinnie" was late!

Saturday, April 26 - One month since we buried Eva
To be continued...(I'm beat)!