Would you believe...

Believe it or not I am back in the hospital.

Yesterday around dinner time I laid down to feed Dante. I nursed and we both fell sleep. I woke up around 8:30 PM in a puddle of sweat and had the chills. As I began to move around and attempt to sit up is when I realized I could not breath. I was gasping for air and began to cry, as that is something I've never experienced before. The heavy pain in my chest was not a good feeling. I called my PCP's office and waited the for doc on call to call me back. He said that I could wait till morning to be seen but it sounded like I should go to the ER. I had been coughing since Friday night (several hours after surgery) and even Dante's pediatrician (during his appointment yesterday- FYI he weighed 8 lbs 1 oz) noticed my cough and wheeze and recommended being seen if it didn't improve.

Vinnie, Dante and I headed to the ER after taking Mya and Dominic to Dominic's dads house since we were unsure of the length of our stay. Little did I know that my stay would be much greater than I had anticipated.

Long story short (okay not so short)...I had blood work done where a level came back high meaning likely a blood clot. I was then sent for a CT scan w/contrast of the chest which meant I could not nurse for 48 hours. Imagine the tears shed w/ that alone. Results of CT revealed a blood clot in my right lung as well as some fluid. This results in admission...w/out my 5 day old son.

Needless to say I was crushed. Devastated and a mess. How can this be happening. After last year w/ Eva I was now given no choice but to be away from my 5 day old baby for who knows how long.

I've had, in addition to the CT, an EKG, doppler testing on my legs, breathing treatments and an echo cardiogram. I have been put on two blood thinners Lovenox and Coumadin in which will likely be the treatment for the next several months. I guess the thoughts are that I likely developed a clot in my pelvis during/due to the pregnancy and after surgery clots are more likely to occur and reveal themselves.

Either way I was quite miserable. I am doing better now after spending several hours w/ my boy today. And knowing that he has had no problem w/ taking the bottle and the formula helps to ease some of my stress. Next stress will be that he comes right back to nursing at 2 AM Saturday (yes, I'm counting down). I am currently pumping and dumping...do you know how bad that sucks? Breast milk is like liquid gold. I hate to see it all wasted! But because of the dye used for the CT scan I have no choice. I hope to be home soon but if I'm not I can at least start collecting my milk at 2 AM Saturday for his feedings thereafter.

Please continue praying for us. For a fast recovery, medication adjustment, no long term complications w/ the clot, discharged soon, Dante to continue doing well for Daddy (it's been 9 yrs since we've had a healthy baby at home - and Vinnie wasn't on his own w/ Mya as a newborn like he is now w/ Dante), Dominic and Mya to remain fear free as this is hard on them as well, it's likely I'll need to inject myself at home w/ the Lovenox - prayers that I can do such, my appetite has gone out the window...I need that to come back and our hearts as Eva's birthday quickly approaches.

Ironic? Coincidence? Eva lived for 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes. Because I analyze everything I calculated that Dante would be 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes old at 4:05 AM last night. Call me crazy, weird or whatever but is it strange that I said goodbye to both my baby girl and my baby boy at that very same moment of there lives? Obviously w/ Dante it was more like "see you tomorrow" than a goodbye but it was EXACTLY 4:05 AM when Vinnie and Dante left me last night as I was being admitted and brought up to a room? Dante will be a week old tomorrow and I have been away from him much too long already. I MISS HIM. I miss them all. Dominic, Mya, Eva and Dante. Oh and Vinnie too!