Today was THAT day last year when I received that horrific phone call. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I know where I was, what I was doing, where I was going...even what I was wearing. That phone call changed my life. That baby girl, who I didn't know was a girl at that time, changed my life. Today, this year...I am a different person. I think differently, I act differently, I love differently, I hug differently, I even cry differently...my life is different. Different indeed. And I am so thankful to be here, standing, today.
Last year, this day...I was knocked over by the biggest, baddest storm ever. One that took the breath out of my lungs and one that I never thought I would live through. One that I thought would not only take my precious baby's life but mine too. But w/ God I came through that storm, and I am standing today to say I did it. It was far from easy. It still ain't over but I am standing today and that, to me, is an accomplishment.
I may not be where I am at if it wasn't for the help of this place...this blog...this public journal of my life. Strangers who have followed, loved and cried from afar...I couldn't thank you enough for carrying me when I couldn't walk on my own. Thank you for carrying my mat. Luke 5:17-20
A year ago today I remember saying to my PCP on the phone as I cried that I couldn't be the reason for my baby's heart to stop. That if her heart was going to stop than I would leave it to God. He was in control, not I. And she said to me that if God was so high and mighty why do things like this (T18) happen in the first place. Wow. Wow, is all I can say all over again. I am so thankful that I didn't feed into that nor question such a thing.
HE is high and mighty. And HE is in control. No doctor could tell me a year ago today that my daughters heart would beat for not only 38 weeks inside of me but for an additional 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes here on this earth. There in my arms, in Vinnie's arms, in Dominic's arms and in Mya's arms too. NO DOCTOR was high and mighty enough to KNOW! ONLY HE KNEW! AND I thank HIM for HIS promise that allowed me to trust in only Him. Those doctors told me I'd miscarry. Then they said I'd likely deliver between 28-34 weeks. At 28 weeks a test detected a possible delivery within 7-14-21 days. I carried her another 10 weeks after that test.
Statistics are for the birds. I beg to differ w/ the statistics of T18. Look at my side bar. Read, if you haven't yet all the stories of T18 babies that were born alive, and lived minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Maybe it's about time they re-do the statistics...(no need for a debate here, just my opinion)
My point of this blog...I don't even know. But I do know that I am doing well today despite that I miss my baby girl.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
TS
Update on the Tastefully Simple...I am less that $100 away from my goal w/ a couple potential orders pending. Looking good and I should make it. Don't let that scare you away. I am still offering the "promotion" until Tuesday, September 30th and even thereafter I can take orders and still offer a little something off. But come December it will be crunch time again so I will be running my good ol' "promotion" again. I will post a final order/dollar count as well as many thank you's come Wednesday. Thank you to all thus far!
Ticker...for those who have emailed and asked.
I have a pregnancy ticker up and running way down at the very bottom of my page. It's been there since maybe even before I "officially" announced the news.
As of today, I am 17 weeks and 2 days. That is going by my cycle dates. I have had maybe 3 ultrasounds (one just for the confirmation and heartbeat...one cause I was having some cramping and my doctor is WONDERFUL and probably just wanted to reassure me that all was well and one for the 1st trimester screening to measure the nuchal fold - nuchal translucency).
Each ultrasound has been pretty close w/ the dates maybe 2-4 days plus the cycle date. My due date according to my cycle is 3/6/09 and according to one or two of the three ultrasounds my due date was determined to be 3/8/09...Therefore, when asked I say 3/7/09...ten days before Eva's 1st birthday.
So, if you are wanting to follow along with the ticker please scroll all the way down to the bottom.
As of today, I am 17 weeks and 2 days. That is going by my cycle dates. I have had maybe 3 ultrasounds (one just for the confirmation and heartbeat...one cause I was having some cramping and my doctor is WONDERFUL and probably just wanted to reassure me that all was well and one for the 1st trimester screening to measure the nuchal fold - nuchal translucency).
Each ultrasound has been pretty close w/ the dates maybe 2-4 days plus the cycle date. My due date according to my cycle is 3/6/09 and according to one or two of the three ultrasounds my due date was determined to be 3/8/09...Therefore, when asked I say 3/7/09...ten days before Eva's 1st birthday.
So, if you are wanting to follow along with the ticker please scroll all the way down to the bottom.
God's Pharmacy
I received this in an email. I don't know who wrote it. I just liked it...
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish...all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.
These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak... These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocado's, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow.
Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produces tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish...all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.
These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...
God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak... These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocado's, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow.
Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produces tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
I received this in an email. I do not know who wrote it. I just liked it...
IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.'
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME
If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.'
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tastefully Simple
Some of you know and others do not but I sell Tastefully Simple. I have been only selling the minimum per quarter just to remain a consultant because I like having the discount for myself and I hope and plan to get back up and running...someday.
We are at the end of the quarter, being Tuesday, September 30th, and I am in a bit or a crunch. I need a couple hundred dollars more in sales to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant.
I just got wind that the summer line items (those that are left and while supplies last) are 25% off. I am also offering some promotional discounts myself, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise). So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts for the upcoming holidays, please email me!
jane7doe7@aol.com (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line)
Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments!
We are at the end of the quarter, being Tuesday, September 30th, and I am in a bit or a crunch. I need a couple hundred dollars more in sales to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant.
I just got wind that the summer line items (those that are left and while supplies last) are 25% off. I am also offering some promotional discounts myself, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise). So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts for the upcoming holidays, please email me!
jane7doe7@aol.com (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line)
Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments!
I know...I know...
I know, I owe an update and tons of pictures. I am horrible at this blog thing anymore. Although, I do check on a ton of you of daily because that takes less time than it does to sit here and type my inner most thoughts and feelings. I always recite over and over again in my head what I plan to post next but those thoughts never make it here.
We are so busy but I guess that's what works for us. That doesn't mean that I am all better it just means that my life has slowly adjusted to reality of my daughter not being physically here w/ me. I miss here just as much today, if not even more, than I did minutes after she was gone. It baffles me how people tend to tell you that life gets easier...I beg to differ. It never gets easier. It will hurt forever. There will always be that empty feeling and that one little person will always be missing. PERIOD! Never gets easier. You just find your own, new coping mechanism. Mine, I guess is staying busy. And I have to say it is a true blessing being pregnant again and anticipating this new little life. It gives me so much hope and so much to be thankful for and another reason to trust and believe that God is indeed good and hears our prayers and answers them in His time.
I had my 16 week blood work done on Monday. I wasn't really worried about the results although I did call the next day to see if the results were in. I didn't know how long they would take but wanted the office to know that I was waiting on the results and to call me. I called again today just to see if they were in and that is when I realized how anxious I really was. Then a bit of fear set in. The thoughts of ...oh my...and...what if...and how could I do something like that again...but I tried my best to shut those thoughts down. I called the office once more, about 3 minutes before they closed and left yet another message just stating that I didn't want to be left hanging over the weekend and if the results weren't in to please at least let me know. Within minutes the phone rang. The nurse on the other end said that all the screening results were negative. I asked if that meant that they were normal results...and she said yes. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Now, the next big appointment is October 13th. The level II ultrasound. I cannot wait. We will not be finding out the gender, at least that is my plan, but we will be making sure that all actually looks good. Please pray for this appointment.
I went back today and re-read last years posts. I received the T18 diagnosis call on September 28th, which is just 2 days away. What a year it has been. So bittersweet. I can barely read my own words. I so wish this was someone elses story and not mine. Don't get me wrong...I love Eva more than life itself, just wish I had her here and not waiting for me in Heaven.
I know I am missing lots of things w/ this post and I know I have more on my heart and on my mind but for whatever reason I am at a loss for words. I hope to continue this in a little bit...
We are so busy but I guess that's what works for us. That doesn't mean that I am all better it just means that my life has slowly adjusted to reality of my daughter not being physically here w/ me. I miss here just as much today, if not even more, than I did minutes after she was gone. It baffles me how people tend to tell you that life gets easier...I beg to differ. It never gets easier. It will hurt forever. There will always be that empty feeling and that one little person will always be missing. PERIOD! Never gets easier. You just find your own, new coping mechanism. Mine, I guess is staying busy. And I have to say it is a true blessing being pregnant again and anticipating this new little life. It gives me so much hope and so much to be thankful for and another reason to trust and believe that God is indeed good and hears our prayers and answers them in His time.
I had my 16 week blood work done on Monday. I wasn't really worried about the results although I did call the next day to see if the results were in. I didn't know how long they would take but wanted the office to know that I was waiting on the results and to call me. I called again today just to see if they were in and that is when I realized how anxious I really was. Then a bit of fear set in. The thoughts of ...oh my...and...what if...and how could I do something like that again...but I tried my best to shut those thoughts down. I called the office once more, about 3 minutes before they closed and left yet another message just stating that I didn't want to be left hanging over the weekend and if the results weren't in to please at least let me know. Within minutes the phone rang. The nurse on the other end said that all the screening results were negative. I asked if that meant that they were normal results...and she said yes. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Now, the next big appointment is October 13th. The level II ultrasound. I cannot wait. We will not be finding out the gender, at least that is my plan, but we will be making sure that all actually looks good. Please pray for this appointment.
I went back today and re-read last years posts. I received the T18 diagnosis call on September 28th, which is just 2 days away. What a year it has been. So bittersweet. I can barely read my own words. I so wish this was someone elses story and not mine. Don't get me wrong...I love Eva more than life itself, just wish I had her here and not waiting for me in Heaven.
I know I am missing lots of things w/ this post and I know I have more on my heart and on my mind but for whatever reason I am at a loss for words. I hope to continue this in a little bit...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Please PRAY!
Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20
Please be on your knees w/ me in prayer for the precious Stanfield Family! I had gotten a text from Kenzie on Wednesday night stating that she was in the hospital w/ preterm labor (at 26 weeks w/ baby Faith Clare), having contractions and slightly dilated. At this time I text messaged my friends, family and church asking for their prayer support.
As of today Kenzie is still in the hospital, still contracting and the medication is not doing what the doctors hoped it would, not to mention that it is causing her much discomfort. She just had a test done (same test I had done in January w/ Eva...mentioned in this post) as is waiting on the results. Praying for a negative result but knowing that a positive result doesn't mean a thing. My results were positive and Eva was delivered 10 weeks later.
Here is the link to their blog http://thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com.
Please visit them, comment to let them know you care and please continue to pray them thru till their December due date. God is in control.
Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20
Please be on your knees w/ me in prayer for the precious Stanfield Family! I had gotten a text from Kenzie on Wednesday night stating that she was in the hospital w/ preterm labor (at 26 weeks w/ baby Faith Clare), having contractions and slightly dilated. At this time I text messaged my friends, family and church asking for their prayer support.
As of today Kenzie is still in the hospital, still contracting and the medication is not doing what the doctors hoped it would, not to mention that it is causing her much discomfort. She just had a test done (same test I had done in January w/ Eva...mentioned in this post) as is waiting on the results. Praying for a negative result but knowing that a positive result doesn't mean a thing. My results were positive and Eva was delivered 10 weeks later.
Here is the link to their blog http://thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com.
Please visit them, comment to let them know you care and please continue to pray them thru till their December due date. God is in control.
Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Baby Names and more...
Never before would I have wanted to announce what our thoughts were towards names. Now, I guess I am at that point in life as to what difference does it make? If someone feels the need to "steal" our name...who cares! Right? lol It's not like many of our blog family live close by nor do we see or hang out with them on a regular basis...so again, who cares.
With that said I posted our thoughts...or should I say MY thoughts on names on the side bar. I thought it'd be neat to see what the "world" likes in regards to names. We have run a few past our family already...so I have heard the diarrhea jokes regarding Ria...and Vinnie thinks that Jia would get Jya...but our poor Mya gets Mia? Why, I don't know. We would just correct someone, continuously if we have to. Please feel free to "vote" on your favorite, boy and/or girl name. I'd love to get your opinions.
As for the question will we be finding out the baby's gender...NOPE! I want a surprise! I wanted to wait w/ Eva but when the "surprise" came in the form of a T18 diagnosis , my fear was of a miscarriage and didn't want to not know what the baby was ahead of time. So I knew Eva was a girl the same day I knew of the diagnosis, 13 weeks. This time, I want to wait...that's if Mya and Vinnie will allow it!
Friday's screening went very well. Comparing it to last year, what a difference. Eva was stubborn from the get-go. She would not allow herself to be measured and gave the tech (and me) a run for our money. I was made to move from side to side, emptied my bladder, the tech and doctor poked and prodded before summing it up to a measurement of 3.2 mm (the nuchal fold). As I was told last year (boy some things you never forget) was that 2.5mm and under was considered normal and 3.5mm and above was considered abnormal. The 1mm in between was considered a gray window in which they are unsure and wait for the blood work results to come back.
My blood work last year showed the hcg and pappa levels being too low. This meant that something was wrong w/ the baby's heart or something was wrong w/ the placenta. In our case...it was indeed her heart. Cause of death was congestive heart failure. Crazy to me that blood from me at 12 weeks of pregnancy could detect something that big.
So, this baby...last weeks ultrasound and blood work...was all GOOD! Nuchal fold measurement was 1.6mm (mind you, well under the 2.5mm and 1/2 of what Eva's was) and the blood work was normal levels. After the test last year I was told that my risk factor for a down's baby was 1/140 (they thought T18 was ruled out, boy were they wrong).....this year, after the screening test and results my risk factor for a down's baby (again, T18 ruled out) is 1/5000. I'm content w/ that.
I will not be proceeding w/ any invasive testing. No CVS nor amnio. I wasn't going to do that anyways but I am now feeling a lot better w/ making that decision. I will have the quad screening blood test on 9/18 and a Level II ultrasound on 10/17 and take it from there. Both in which last year showed the T18 characteristics very clearly.
Stay tuned. Pics to come, I promise!
(Someone had voted for Ara when I first put the poll up. Then I realized I needed to add one more name and had to delete the first poll. I hope that person, whoever you are, will re-vote w/ a new selection or w/ Ara again. Sorry for the confusion!)
With that said I posted our thoughts...or should I say MY thoughts on names on the side bar. I thought it'd be neat to see what the "world" likes in regards to names. We have run a few past our family already...so I have heard the diarrhea jokes regarding Ria...and Vinnie thinks that Jia would get Jya...but our poor Mya gets Mia? Why, I don't know. We would just correct someone, continuously if we have to. Please feel free to "vote" on your favorite, boy and/or girl name. I'd love to get your opinions.
As for the question will we be finding out the baby's gender...NOPE! I want a surprise! I wanted to wait w/ Eva but when the "surprise" came in the form of a T18 diagnosis , my fear was of a miscarriage and didn't want to not know what the baby was ahead of time. So I knew Eva was a girl the same day I knew of the diagnosis, 13 weeks. This time, I want to wait...that's if Mya and Vinnie will allow it!
Friday's screening went very well. Comparing it to last year, what a difference. Eva was stubborn from the get-go. She would not allow herself to be measured and gave the tech (and me) a run for our money. I was made to move from side to side, emptied my bladder, the tech and doctor poked and prodded before summing it up to a measurement of 3.2 mm (the nuchal fold). As I was told last year (boy some things you never forget) was that 2.5mm and under was considered normal and 3.5mm and above was considered abnormal. The 1mm in between was considered a gray window in which they are unsure and wait for the blood work results to come back.
My blood work last year showed the hcg and pappa levels being too low. This meant that something was wrong w/ the baby's heart or something was wrong w/ the placenta. In our case...it was indeed her heart. Cause of death was congestive heart failure. Crazy to me that blood from me at 12 weeks of pregnancy could detect something that big.
So, this baby...last weeks ultrasound and blood work...was all GOOD! Nuchal fold measurement was 1.6mm (mind you, well under the 2.5mm and 1/2 of what Eva's was) and the blood work was normal levels. After the test last year I was told that my risk factor for a down's baby was 1/140 (they thought T18 was ruled out, boy were they wrong).....this year, after the screening test and results my risk factor for a down's baby (again, T18 ruled out) is 1/5000. I'm content w/ that.
I will not be proceeding w/ any invasive testing. No CVS nor amnio. I wasn't going to do that anyways but I am now feeling a lot better w/ making that decision. I will have the quad screening blood test on 9/18 and a Level II ultrasound on 10/17 and take it from there. Both in which last year showed the T18 characteristics very clearly.
Stay tuned. Pics to come, I promise!
(Someone had voted for Ara when I first put the poll up. Then I realized I needed to add one more name and had to delete the first poll. I hope that person, whoever you are, will re-vote w/ a new selection or w/ Ara again. Sorry for the confusion!)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow is a big and busy day for us. Up at 6, out the door by 7, dr's appt at 8 and no later than 10 we'll be on the road for a two+ hour drive to meet up w/ friends and enjoy some fun in the sun! So looking forward to it!
As for the appt, you prayers are needed, please. We are heading back to AGH for our 1st trimester screening...which means a few things to us. This will be all 4 of ours first time back to AGH since March when we left w/out our baby girl, Eva....this is also the same place and test where our journey w/ Eva all began. Lots of mixed emotions here. Please pray for us.
As for an update, not much going on. I started a new job on August 4th. More details on that later, nothing bad thus far. As for my current status, I am nauseous...everyday. PRAISE GOD for NAUSEA! I have a few ultrasound pics to post after our crazy weekend, as well as I still plan to post about our trip to the beach, Atlanta and camping. Boy have I been slacking!!!
So, on that note...all is well. We're all still here. Baby and all. Blood work and appts this far have gone great. Heart rate is 167-171. So awesome to hear that coming from within. We are so blessed and very thankful!
Please check back soon for back dated posts and major, major pics! Gotta have pics!
As for the appt, you prayers are needed, please. We are heading back to AGH for our 1st trimester screening...which means a few things to us. This will be all 4 of ours first time back to AGH since March when we left w/out our baby girl, Eva....this is also the same place and test where our journey w/ Eva all began. Lots of mixed emotions here. Please pray for us.
As for an update, not much going on. I started a new job on August 4th. More details on that later, nothing bad thus far. As for my current status, I am nauseous...everyday. PRAISE GOD for NAUSEA! I have a few ultrasound pics to post after our crazy weekend, as well as I still plan to post about our trip to the beach, Atlanta and camping. Boy have I been slacking!!!
So, on that note...all is well. We're all still here. Baby and all. Blood work and appts this far have gone great. Heart rate is 167-171. So awesome to hear that coming from within. We are so blessed and very thankful!
Please check back soon for back dated posts and major, major pics! Gotta have pics!
Monday, July 21, 2008
7/21/08 also ='s 7+ WEEKS
HAPPY 7+ WEEKS PRECIOUS NEW LIFE!
PRAISING GOD FOR BLESSING US!
WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALREADY!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Coincidence...I think not.
As I drove to a funeral tonight of a friend that I have not seen since high school (besides a brief moment of exchanging a few kind words at the tattoo shop sometime over the past 14 years) I prayed. I prayed that my going to this place (where I did not want to be...since the last time I stood face to face w/ a casket was to say goodbye to my daughter) would some how some way be an inspiration to others, or even just to one person for that matter.
I prayed as I drove along Frankstown road towards the funeral home. Prayed to touch someones life. Prayed that someone would be encouraged by my strength, seeing me come to such place just 16 weeks from the day my baby girl took her last breath. Prayed that someone could see that I am doing well. That only God has carried me thus far. By His power I could face the brother and mother of this old friend of mine who took his last breath this past Tuesday. Satan did this to him, to them. Satan allowed the 29 year old to desire the poison that would take his life. He had been doing well from what I have heard. Pictures from just a week ago revealed such. Maybe he thought "just one more time" not knowing that "one more time" would indeed be his last.
As I hugged his mother I reminded her of who I was and of that last day of ninth grade when she picked a few of us from school on an early dismissal...we squeezed too many of us into that tiny red sports car to go back to their house to drink the night away in their basement...yes, I said drink and ninth grade in the same sentence. Just a reminder of where I was, where I could have been, where I could be now and oh where I am and how proud I am to say such. I am in no way saying anything bad about others but am simply praising God for the life I live now. Those who know me know that drugs were not and will never be a part of my life...but drinking, oh the hard liquor was indeed my best friend more times that I care to mention.
As I hugged that mother I could relate even if just a little. This was her son. This was her child. Gone way too soon. I know how that feels. Even though 29 years is way longer than 5 days it is still the loss of a future. A wedding, grand children, a 30th birthday that should have occurred in just 13 days from today. Siblings that are hurting. In this case, a younger brother who is struggling over that fact that he just got his "clean" big brother back. Oh Lord, please be w/ their family at this most difficult time. Please carry them as you have carried me when I was unable to walk on my own.
So as I hugged the necks of so many in which I haven't seen in years, some that I would have been okay never seeing again...through the crowd I saw a face of an elementary friend. One that would spend the night at my house in second grade when I lived w/ my Mom. A friend that saw times when my Mom was not so herself. One that has had a tough life since we last spoke. As we hugged and carried on what could have been a brief conversation I mentioned how, we too, lost our child this year. She then went on to say that her friend, standing close by, lost her son a short time ago. As her friend moved closer I could tell she didn't really care to meet me nor to speak. But as I showed my friend my tattoo of Eva her friend chimed in and said that she too was scheduled to get a memorial tattoo of her son who just recently passed. She said you must be the girl that Chris Blick from the tattoo shop was talking about whose baby girl lived for just 5 days. She was ready to open up...even if just a little.
He son, passed away on the day I was due w/ Eva...March 31. Just two weeks after Eva's first breath and one week and one day after her last. He just turned 10 months the day before. His cause of death was gastro something disease. Something in which it sounded/seemed like it could have been prevented w/ the help of medical personnel (but they neglected to intervene). I am unsure and I do not want to mess up critical details. Either way, her baby is gone. Her 6 year old and 4 old and hurting. Almost just as much as she is. This girl needed to speak to me. She needed to know that she was and is not alone. She needed hugged by someone who gets it. I get it.
We spoke until 9:45...the funeral ended at 8:00. I told her all about the Highmark Caring Place (which I think I have yet to post on). I went to my van to look for info on it and when I couldn't find it I just wrote the name of the program down on a slip of paper. I included my first and last name (cause even after the length of time we spoke I don't think we ever exchanged names) and my phone number. I told her that she may not be ready yet but when and if she is...I am here. I could see the impact I had on her thru her tears and in the expression on her face and even more when she said how nice it was to talk to someone who can relate.
In ways we are so much the same...but in one way we are different. She is angry. I am not. I never really was. In the beginning, maybe. Now, nope. Don't get me wrong...I still don't understand, I still want my daughter back, and I still ask God why. Someday I will know plain as day why everything is the way it is...but today, I choose not to be mad at my Creator, Eva's Creator.
Maybe after seeing me, talking to me and hugging me her anger will soon fade away. I told her that the death of our children was and is not of God but of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. God allows something wonderful to been seen thru it all. And although her relationship has been taken by the devil too. I promised her, that God has a bigger and better plan. Plans for her future. I promised because He promised.
Coincidence, I think not.
Please pray for their family...
I prayed as I drove along Frankstown road towards the funeral home. Prayed to touch someones life. Prayed that someone would be encouraged by my strength, seeing me come to such place just 16 weeks from the day my baby girl took her last breath. Prayed that someone could see that I am doing well. That only God has carried me thus far. By His power I could face the brother and mother of this old friend of mine who took his last breath this past Tuesday. Satan did this to him, to them. Satan allowed the 29 year old to desire the poison that would take his life. He had been doing well from what I have heard. Pictures from just a week ago revealed such. Maybe he thought "just one more time" not knowing that "one more time" would indeed be his last.
As I hugged his mother I reminded her of who I was and of that last day of ninth grade when she picked a few of us from school on an early dismissal...we squeezed too many of us into that tiny red sports car to go back to their house to drink the night away in their basement...yes, I said drink and ninth grade in the same sentence. Just a reminder of where I was, where I could have been, where I could be now and oh where I am and how proud I am to say such. I am in no way saying anything bad about others but am simply praising God for the life I live now. Those who know me know that drugs were not and will never be a part of my life...but drinking, oh the hard liquor was indeed my best friend more times that I care to mention.
As I hugged that mother I could relate even if just a little. This was her son. This was her child. Gone way too soon. I know how that feels. Even though 29 years is way longer than 5 days it is still the loss of a future. A wedding, grand children, a 30th birthday that should have occurred in just 13 days from today. Siblings that are hurting. In this case, a younger brother who is struggling over that fact that he just got his "clean" big brother back. Oh Lord, please be w/ their family at this most difficult time. Please carry them as you have carried me when I was unable to walk on my own.
So as I hugged the necks of so many in which I haven't seen in years, some that I would have been okay never seeing again...through the crowd I saw a face of an elementary friend. One that would spend the night at my house in second grade when I lived w/ my Mom. A friend that saw times when my Mom was not so herself. One that has had a tough life since we last spoke. As we hugged and carried on what could have been a brief conversation I mentioned how, we too, lost our child this year. She then went on to say that her friend, standing close by, lost her son a short time ago. As her friend moved closer I could tell she didn't really care to meet me nor to speak. But as I showed my friend my tattoo of Eva her friend chimed in and said that she too was scheduled to get a memorial tattoo of her son who just recently passed. She said you must be the girl that Chris Blick from the tattoo shop was talking about whose baby girl lived for just 5 days. She was ready to open up...even if just a little.
He son, passed away on the day I was due w/ Eva...March 31. Just two weeks after Eva's first breath and one week and one day after her last. He just turned 10 months the day before. His cause of death was gastro something disease. Something in which it sounded/seemed like it could have been prevented w/ the help of medical personnel (but they neglected to intervene). I am unsure and I do not want to mess up critical details. Either way, her baby is gone. Her 6 year old and 4 old and hurting. Almost just as much as she is. This girl needed to speak to me. She needed to know that she was and is not alone. She needed hugged by someone who gets it. I get it.
We spoke until 9:45...the funeral ended at 8:00. I told her all about the Highmark Caring Place (which I think I have yet to post on). I went to my van to look for info on it and when I couldn't find it I just wrote the name of the program down on a slip of paper. I included my first and last name (cause even after the length of time we spoke I don't think we ever exchanged names) and my phone number. I told her that she may not be ready yet but when and if she is...I am here. I could see the impact I had on her thru her tears and in the expression on her face and even more when she said how nice it was to talk to someone who can relate.
In ways we are so much the same...but in one way we are different. She is angry. I am not. I never really was. In the beginning, maybe. Now, nope. Don't get me wrong...I still don't understand, I still want my daughter back, and I still ask God why. Someday I will know plain as day why everything is the way it is...but today, I choose not to be mad at my Creator, Eva's Creator.
Maybe after seeing me, talking to me and hugging me her anger will soon fade away. I told her that the death of our children was and is not of God but of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. God allows something wonderful to been seen thru it all. And although her relationship has been taken by the devil too. I promised her, that God has a bigger and better plan. Plans for her future. I promised because He promised.
Coincidence, I think not.
Please pray for their family...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
On 6/23/2008 you've been gone 3 months...
Oh How I Miss You Baby Girl!
5th member of our family...5 days you shared w/ us...my 5th tattoo...
I had this tattoo done on 6/24; the day after the 3 month mark of Eva entering the Gates of Heaven. Chris Blick of American Tattoos gets the credit...I'll take the credit for enduring the pain for almost 2 hours! His work is amazing! Thank you Chris! Although it is still going thru the healing process it looks great and receives a TON of compliments. Chris is highly recommend around here. He is so booked that I scheduled the appointment about 2 weeks (on April 5th) after Eva passed away...his first opening was June 24th.
5th member of our family...5 days you shared w/ us...my 5th tattoo...
I had this tattoo done on 6/24; the day after the 3 month mark of Eva entering the Gates of Heaven. Chris Blick of American Tattoos gets the credit...I'll take the credit for enduring the pain for almost 2 hours! His work is amazing! Thank you Chris! Although it is still going thru the healing process it looks great and receives a TON of compliments. Chris is highly recommend around here. He is so booked that I scheduled the appointment about 2 weeks (on April 5th) after Eva passed away...his first opening was June 24th.
On 6/17/2008 you would have been 3 months...
Happy Birthday To You Baby Girl!
I had this done on 6/17. When I called the man to ask about pricing and such he was taken back because his daughters name is Ava...they had considered the name Eva first. He did this for me out of the goodness of his heart. And I know that my story...as well as the stories of all of my "blog" friends...touched his heart for many years to come. Thank you D's Signs for the wonderful work you do and the fantastic job you did for us.
I had this done on 6/17. When I called the man to ask about pricing and such he was taken back because his daughters name is Ava...they had considered the name Eva first. He did this for me out of the goodness of his heart. And I know that my story...as well as the stories of all of my "blog" friends...touched his heart for many years to come. Thank you D's Signs for the wonderful work you do and the fantastic job you did for us.
Monday, July 7, 2008
How awesome HE is...(a lil piece of Deeper Still in Atlanta)
In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our high priest
In Numbers, the fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel's Guide
Joshua, He's salvation's choice
Judges, He's Israel's Guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He's the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah He is Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the call from sin
Daniel, the stranger in the fire
Hosea, the forever faithful
Joel, the spirit's power
Amos, the strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great missionary
Micah, the promise of peace
Nahum, our strength and shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai He restores that which was lost
IN Zachariah, He's our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT'S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT
In Matthew Mark Luke and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the power of love
Galatians, freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servant's heart
Colossians, He's God and the trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting courage
In James, the one who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our faithful shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride
AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it's all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior He is Jesus Christ the Lord HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our high priest
In Numbers, the fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel's Guide
Joshua, He's salvation's choice
Judges, He's Israel's Guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He's the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah He is Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the call from sin
Daniel, the stranger in the fire
Hosea, the forever faithful
Joel, the spirit's power
Amos, the strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great missionary
Micah, the promise of peace
Nahum, our strength and shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai He restores that which was lost
IN Zachariah, He's our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT'S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT
In Matthew Mark Luke and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the power of love
Galatians, freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servant's heart
Colossians, He's God and the trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting courage
In James, the one who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our faithful shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride
AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it's all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior He is Jesus Christ the Lord HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!
I'm still here...
I know, it's been almost a month since my last post. And all I can say is that we've been so busy. I mean super busy.
We went to the Jersey Shore June 11th thru the 15th. I went to Atlanta (you all knew that though) the 26th thru the 29th. I then returned back to work Tuesday, July 1st...what a joke...that could be an entire post of its own...but I won't...needless to say while I was off for the 6 months (bed rest, delivery, burial and grieving) my company came to realize that my position could be eliminated. Without going into great detail...I'll just say that this could only be a blessing in and of itself. An answered prayer (please pray for us as we try to keep our finances in check). We had the ginormous picnic on the 4th then went camping the 5th and 6th. We arrived home after dinner yesterday and slept the entire night and this morning away.
With all that said and done I will say that I have attempted to draft a post in regards to Atlanta. I am no where near finished, as it is so hard to put such an experience into words, but I promise it is soon to come...as well as the other events that have taken place. I'll be sure to post pictures, as I know you all just love to see them.
Thank you to those who continue to check-in and to those that continue to pray for us. Please don't stop!
We went to the Jersey Shore June 11th thru the 15th. I went to Atlanta (you all knew that though) the 26th thru the 29th. I then returned back to work Tuesday, July 1st...what a joke...that could be an entire post of its own...but I won't...needless to say while I was off for the 6 months (bed rest, delivery, burial and grieving) my company came to realize that my position could be eliminated. Without going into great detail...I'll just say that this could only be a blessing in and of itself. An answered prayer (please pray for us as we try to keep our finances in check). We had the ginormous picnic on the 4th then went camping the 5th and 6th. We arrived home after dinner yesterday and slept the entire night and this morning away.
With all that said and done I will say that I have attempted to draft a post in regards to Atlanta. I am no where near finished, as it is so hard to put such an experience into words, but I promise it is soon to come...as well as the other events that have taken place. I'll be sure to post pictures, as I know you all just love to see them.
Thank you to those who continue to check-in and to those that continue to pray for us. Please don't stop!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
And I needed this too! (guess who cleaned out her inbox)
June 09, 2008
Quote of the Day
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
– T.S. Eliot
And these too!
June 04, 2008
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
– Beverly Sills
June 01, 2008
"Map out your future, but do it in pencil."
– Jon Bon Jovi
May 31, 2008
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
– Flavia Weedn
May 30, 2008
"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
– Frank Herbert
May 29, 2008
"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
– Aleksei Peshkov
May 27, 2008
"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work."
– John Lubbock
May 26, 2008
"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
– St. Francis of Assisi
May 23, 2008
"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine."
– Morris West
May 19, 2008
"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin."
– Ivan Turgenev
May 14, 2008
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
– Harvey Fierstein
May 13, 2008
"Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even."
– Muhammad Ali
April 27, 2008
"It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly."
– Isaac Asimov
April 26, 2008
"We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."
– Herman Melville
Quote of the Day
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
– T.S. Eliot
And these too!
June 04, 2008
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
– Beverly Sills
June 01, 2008
"Map out your future, but do it in pencil."
– Jon Bon Jovi
May 31, 2008
"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
– Flavia Weedn
May 30, 2008
"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
– Frank Herbert
May 29, 2008
"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
– Aleksei Peshkov
May 27, 2008
"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work."
– John Lubbock
May 26, 2008
"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
– St. Francis of Assisi
May 23, 2008
"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine."
– Morris West
May 19, 2008
"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin."
– Ivan Turgenev
May 14, 2008
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
– Harvey Fierstein
May 13, 2008
"Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even."
– Muhammad Ali
April 27, 2008
"It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly."
– Isaac Asimov
April 26, 2008
"We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."
– Herman Melville
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