Coincidence...I think not.

As I drove to a funeral tonight of a friend that I have not seen since high school (besides a brief moment of exchanging a few kind words at the tattoo shop sometime over the past 14 years) I prayed. I prayed that my going to this place (where I did not want to be...since the last time I stood face to face w/ a casket was to say goodbye to my daughter) would some how some way be an inspiration to others, or even just to one person for that matter.

I prayed as I drove along Frankstown road towards the funeral home. Prayed to touch someones life. Prayed that someone would be encouraged by my strength, seeing me come to such place just 16 weeks from the day my baby girl took her last breath. Prayed that someone could see that I am doing well. That only God has carried me thus far. By His power I could face the brother and mother of this old friend of mine who took his last breath this past Tuesday. Satan did this to him, to them. Satan allowed the 29 year old to desire the poison that would take his life. He had been doing well from what I have heard. Pictures from just a week ago revealed such. Maybe he thought "just one more time" not knowing that "one more time" would indeed be his last.

As I hugged his mother I reminded her of who I was and of that last day of ninth grade when she picked a few of us from school on an early dismissal...we squeezed too many of us into that tiny red sports car to go back to their house to drink the night away in their basement...yes, I said drink and ninth grade in the same sentence. Just a reminder of where I was, where I could have been, where I could be now and oh where I am and how proud I am to say such. I am in no way saying anything bad about others but am simply praising God for the life I live now. Those who know me know that drugs were not and will never be a part of my life...but drinking, oh the hard liquor was indeed my best friend more times that I care to mention.

As I hugged that mother I could relate even if just a little. This was her son. This was her child. Gone way too soon. I know how that feels. Even though 29 years is way longer than 5 days it is still the loss of a future. A wedding, grand children, a 30th birthday that should have occurred in just 13 days from today. Siblings that are hurting. In this case, a younger brother who is struggling over that fact that he just got his "clean" big brother back. Oh Lord, please be w/ their family at this most difficult time. Please carry them as you have carried me when I was unable to walk on my own.

So as I hugged the necks of so many in which I haven't seen in years, some that I would have been okay never seeing again...through the crowd I saw a face of an elementary friend. One that would spend the night at my house in second grade when I lived w/ my Mom. A friend that saw times when my Mom was not so herself. One that has had a tough life since we last spoke. As we hugged and carried on what could have been a brief conversation I mentioned how, we too, lost our child this year. She then went on to say that her friend, standing close by, lost her son a short time ago. As her friend moved closer I could tell she didn't really care to meet me nor to speak. But as I showed my friend my tattoo of Eva her friend chimed in and said that she too was scheduled to get a memorial tattoo of her son who just recently passed. She said you must be the girl that Chris Blick from the tattoo shop was talking about whose baby girl lived for just 5 days. She was ready to open up...even if just a little.

He son, passed away on the day I was due w/ Eva...March 31. Just two weeks after Eva's first breath and one week and one day after her last. He just turned 10 months the day before. His cause of death was gastro something disease. Something in which it sounded/seemed like it could have been prevented w/ the help of medical personnel (but they neglected to intervene). I am unsure and I do not want to mess up critical details. Either way, her baby is gone. Her 6 year old and 4 old and hurting. Almost just as much as she is. This girl needed to speak to me. She needed to know that she was and is not alone. She needed hugged by someone who gets it. I get it.

We spoke until 9:45...the funeral ended at 8:00. I told her all about the Highmark Caring Place (which I think I have yet to post on). I went to my van to look for info on it and when I couldn't find it I just wrote the name of the program down on a slip of paper. I included my first and last name (cause even after the length of time we spoke I don't think we ever exchanged names) and my phone number. I told her that she may not be ready yet but when and if she is...I am here. I could see the impact I had on her thru her tears and in the expression on her face and even more when she said how nice it was to talk to someone who can relate.

In ways we are so much the same...but in one way we are different. She is angry. I am not. I never really was. In the beginning, maybe. Now, nope. Don't get me wrong...I still don't understand, I still want my daughter back, and I still ask God why. Someday I will know plain as day why everything is the way it is...but today, I choose not to be mad at my Creator, Eva's Creator.

Maybe after seeing me, talking to me and hugging me her anger will soon fade away. I told her that the death of our children was and is not of God but of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. God allows something wonderful to been seen thru it all. And although her relationship has been taken by the devil too. I promised her, that God has a bigger and better plan. Plans for her future. I promised because He promised.

Coincidence, I think not.

Please pray for their family...