Today was THAT day...

Today was THAT day last year when I received that horrific phone call. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I know where I was, what I was doing, where I was going...even what I was wearing. That phone call changed my life. That baby girl, who I didn't know was a girl at that time, changed my life. Today, this year...I am a different person. I think differently, I act differently, I love differently, I hug differently, I even cry differently...my life is different. Different indeed. And I am so thankful to be here, standing, today.

Last year, this day...I was knocked over by the biggest, baddest storm ever. One that took the breath out of my lungs and one that I never thought I would live through. One that I thought would not only take my precious baby's life but mine too. But w/ God I came through that storm, and I am standing today to say I did it. It was far from easy. It still ain't over but I am standing today and that, to me, is an accomplishment.

I may not be where I am at if it wasn't for the help of this place...this blog...this public journal of my life. Strangers who have followed, loved and cried from afar...I couldn't thank you enough for carrying me when I couldn't walk on my own. Thank you for carrying my mat. Luke 5:17-20

A year ago today I remember saying to my PCP on the phone as I cried that I couldn't be the reason for my baby's heart to stop. That if her heart was going to stop than I would leave it to God. He was in control, not I. And she said to me that if God was so high and mighty why do things like this (T18) happen in the first place. Wow. Wow, is all I can say all over again. I am so thankful that I didn't feed into that nor question such a thing.

HE is high and mighty. And HE is in control. No doctor could tell me a year ago today that my daughters heart would beat for not only 38 weeks inside of me but for an additional 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes here on this earth. There in my arms, in Vinnie's arms, in Dominic's arms and in Mya's arms too. NO DOCTOR was high and mighty enough to KNOW! ONLY HE KNEW! AND I thank HIM for HIS promise that allowed me to trust in only Him. Those doctors told me I'd miscarry. Then they said I'd likely deliver between 28-34 weeks. At 28 weeks a test detected a possible delivery within 7-14-21 days. I carried her another 10 weeks after that test.

Statistics are for the birds. I beg to differ w/ the statistics of T18. Look at my side bar. Read, if you haven't yet all the stories of T18 babies that were born alive, and lived minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Maybe it's about time they re-do the statistics...(no need for a debate here, just my opinion)

My point of this blog...I don't even know. But I do know that I am doing well today despite that I miss my baby girl.