Just venting for the day

I don't know too much about her progress as of yet. The ultrasound (10/16/07) was at my normal office and the tech didn't say much, as I guess she probably can't tell me anything anyway. I do know that she is measuring about a week smaller (arms & legs) but her head is right on track. Her hands were closed but I believe that most babies hands are most of the time. Her bladder appeared to have fluid in it, which I think is a good sign as she would have had to swallow amniotic fluid for it to be in her bladder, right? She has a cyst on her brain but (again nothing major, I guess) as about 95% of all babies have cyst(s) on their brains but unless accompanied by other signs of Trisomy 18 they are nothing to worry about as most will dissolve on their own.

I did purchase the fetal heart doppler several weeks ago (same as the ones used in the doctors office) to hear her heart beat whenever I want (which I listen every morning and every night - or any other time of the day that Mya asks to hear it). It is 153 beats per minutes, not too bad for one who is expected to have major heart defects. Hearing her heart beat makes me smile. It makes me realize why I decided to carry her to term. She has not given up on me, therefore I will not give up on her! As long as she continues to fight, I will continue to carry. God chose me to be her Mom and I will do all that I can to be just that!

I have a Level 2 ultrasound scheduled for November 6 as well as a prenatal appt w/ a doctor (in my practice) who had a Trisomy 18 baby himself...might be a little helpful being that he IS an OB/GYN. I will be 19 weeks at that appt (and it is at AGH w/ a high risk Maternal/Fetal Medicine doctor as well as a radiologist), so I am thinking they will be able to tell me more information. I PRAY that they will find absolutely nothing wrong w/ her!!! I PRAY that GOD has healed or will heal her and remove the extra 18th chromosome from every cell of her tiny body! Or that the results were due to a lab error. Maybe, just maybe they were wrong! I try so hard each day to keep my head up and my hopes high and to continue to have the ultimate faith...but it is hard.

Today was a bad day...just super sad I guess. :'(

I try not to cry, but today...I just couldn't help it....