EVA = life; living one... JANETTE = God is Gracious...

http://www.klove.com/30day

2012-01-26T06:29:00.000-05:00

http://www.klove.com/30day

December 2011

2012-01-08T03:30:00.003-05:00

Revisiting the good 'ol baby pics...again!!

2011-10-18T18:08:00.008-04:00

Me 1979

Dominic 1996

Mya 2000

Eva 2008

Dante 2009

Deluca 2011

no words...maybe someday i'll actually write what's on my mind and heart...just more pictures for now.

2010-11-22T02:22:00.004-05:00

More pictures...

2010-01-30T03:23:00.001-05:00

So I'm a slacker...I know, I know.

2010-01-30T03:17:00.000-05:00

I wonder if anyone even comes here anymore...it's okay if not. I wouldn't come here either since the author never updates.

I just figured I'd update w/ some pictures. Some are old...some are new. I'm sure you'll be able to tell by the hair on Dante's head...

Enjoy!

8 months

2009-10-30T00:53:00.001-04:00

Tastefully Simple...AGAIN

2009-06-19T13:17:00.000-04:00

Same post as always (cut and paste is great, isn't it)

It's that time again...

Some of you know and others do not.....but I sell Tastefully Simple. I have been only selling the minimum per quarter (since Eva's diagnosis) just to remain a consultant because I like having the discount for myself and I hope and plan to get back up and running...someday (had a party scheduled this past week but needed more time to prepare so we rescheduled it).

We are approaching the end of another quarter, June 30th, and I am again needing more orders...crunch time! I need $264.31 in retail sales to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant. I am once again offering promotional discounts, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise).

So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts, please email me! jane7doe7@aol.com (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line). Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments! Never, ever, ever...is there any obligation. I just want to extend the offer and get the info out there. Thank you to all that have helped in the past and those of you in the future. ORDERS MUST COME THRU ME and NOT THRU THE TS WEBSITE.

BIGGEST DISCOUNT WILL BE OFFERED TO THE FIRST $264.31 IN ORDERS. I'M GIVING MORE OF A DISCOUNT THAN I HAVE IN THE PAST TO THOSE FIRST ORDERS UNTIL MY GOAL IS REACHED.

I hope to get back into the swing of in-home parties very soon. I have a trip coming up in October and I will need the extra cash flow. For those of you who live miles and miles away and who cannot do in home parties conducted by me...I am sure that we could do "a party to-go" or catalog party where I send you the minimum supplies needed and you collect the orders. Then you and I both will get the credit. Please contact me @ jane7doe7@aol.com if you are interested. Thanks!

Eva's Birthday Card...

2009-04-20T01:37:00.001-04:00

It is very difficult to find a birthday card for a daughter who is no longer here, who resides in heaven. I was very blessed to have found the most perfect birthday card for my most perfect baby girl...

Here is the card that I purchased for Eva, for her birthday...it was first seen and mentioned in this post...

Just a reminder...

2009-04-13T11:43:00.002-04:00

I previously sent this email back in January.The event is just 2 weeks away. I thought I'd resend it just to remind everyone that now is your last chance to join in anyway that you can. Thank you so much to those who are already walking w/ us...and to those who have sponsored me, Vinnie, Dominic and/or Mya...Thank you to those who are participating in other walks miles and miles away. If you still would like to contribute...now is your chance! Don't wait till it's too late!

Thanks again,

Chrissy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Original email below...)

Hello family and friends,

The four of us (now five) recently became members of a special team of people who care about the health of America’s babies. That’s why we have banded together to raise money and participate in the March of Dimes March for Babies on Sunday,April 26, 2009 @ Presque Isle State Park. I am asking you to join our fundraising efforts today by sponsoring our event.
Contributing online is fast, easy and secure. You can donate directly from our personal webpages with a credit/debit card or PayPal. If you prefer, we can also accept cash or check. Just click the appropriate box on one or all of our webpages.

The money we raise helps save premature and sick babies. Premature birth is the #1 cause of newborn death and the biggest threat to babies’ health today,and through March for Babies, the March of Dimes is funding important research to find out why premature birth happens and what can be done to prevent it.There’s nothing more important than to give every baby a healthy start in life.

We need your help. Please join us in the fight against prematurity. Visit one or all of our webpages and sponsor us in the event that saves babies!

With your support, there’s hope.

Thank You!

(The dollar amounts below are what we each of us have reached so far towards our goals).

$140 of $250 Chrissy ~ http://www.marchforbabies.org/crisco5779

$10 of $150 Vinnie ~ http://www.marchforbabies.org/chenzzo77

$20 of $500 Dominic ~ http://www.marchforbabies.org/Domino531

$15 of $500 Mya ~ http://www.marchforbabies.org/Mya721

Dante will be "walking" too!!!

Happy Easter Everyone...

2009-04-11T15:43:00.001-04:00

Random cell phone pics...

2009-04-08T01:07:00.000-04:00

More random pics...

2009-04-07T13:35:00.003-04:00

Tub time...

2009-04-07T13:00:00.002-04:00

Crazy eyes and funny expressions...

2009-04-07T12:33:00.002-04:00

More brotherly love, some sibling love and sisterly love too...

2009-04-07T02:43:00.000-04:00

Happy 1st Birthday Eva! WE love you & WE miss you!

2009-04-07T02:27:00.000-04:00

The night before Dante's Delivery and other random pics...

2009-04-07T01:07:00.004-04:00

Brotherly Love...

2009-04-07T00:57:00.000-04:00

Update on us and a bit of someone elses story...

2009-04-02T10:59:00.003-04:00

I've been wanting to post an update for some time now. But I find very little time to do so. When Dante sleeps, I sleep. Other than that I am holding him. I never really put him down. Not my choice, but his. I'm not complaining. Although, I feel horrible when I do try to take a few seconds to myself...to pee, eat, maybe...just maybe shower, start a load or switch a load of laundry, etc. Typing on the computer is hard to do w/ a 10 pound 6 ounce boy in your arms. Yes, I ~~said~~ typed that my almost 5 weeks old baby boy is ~~a chunky monkey, porker, a tad bit beefy~~ over 10 pounds! That said, nursing...is going extremely well, if I do say so myself.

I have tons to update on and today my not be that day. We've had an eventful past 5 weeks, obviously. I plan to update on the delivery, the two days at home, the re-admission due to the PE (pulmonary embolism aka blood clot in my lung), Eva's birthday, my visit to the ER, Eva's "Going to Heaven" day, doctor's appointments for myself and Dante, many activities w/ the our "older" children and my return to work...which was yesterday...~~which is, has been and eventually will be a story in and of itself~~ .

Needless to say, it's been busy. Not too bad but very little time to blog. I try very hard to check in on everyone. It's easier to read w/ said 10 pounder in my arms than it is to type. Bare w/ me. I have intentions on ~~saying~~ typing more about all the things listed above. I plan to post pictures, even if the words come later.

Dante is sleeping. I need to go to lab for the second blood draw this week. PCP is trying to get INR to a therapeutic level w/ the Coumadin. I am a little tired of being a human pin cushion but after reading a newly found blog I am ever so thankful for the medical treatment I am receiving.

I'd like to bring forth the blog that I found. I am hoping that I can copy and paste the posts that I want specifically my family and friends to read...

Matt, please contact me (jane7doe7@aol.com) if my copying and pasting is not permitted by you. I will gladly remove your posts. I just know that some of my family will not know how or bother to take the time to go over to your blog...therefore, I'm inserting it here:

(side note - because I am attentive to detail and always analyze everything - while reading the below - please realize that this all took place last year - 2008 - March)

update - 7:15pm.

well…

after an uneventful weekend.

we had a rather eventful monday.

as the previous photo indicated…

madeline decided to make her first appearance today.

here are some photos and a nice story…

baby’s heart rate dropped around 3:30am.

everyone was concerned.

dr. stopped by in the morning.

and said that it may be best to have madeline come out and play.

dr. nelson came a bit later and agreed.

so we were given 2 hours notice.

(9:30am).

we waited.

and made a lot of phone calls.

and sent a few e-mails.

anya came immediately.

grandparents booked flights (again).

around 11:30am liz took a little ride.

to the delivery room.

anya and i followed behind.

liz went with the doctors.

anya went to the waiting room.

i got dressed in my “daddy suit.”

(said to myself…”holy shit. this is really happening.”)

i waited in the hallway.

…and waited…

liz also waited.

i came in to the delivery room.

then the doctors started working…

and a little while later…

madeline met mom.

mom met madeline.

i cried a little.

cleaned up my act.

cut the cord.

and took a nice close-up of baby.

madeline took a little trip to the nicu.

mom took a nap.

i paced.

anya did some liz babysitting.

i found my way in to the nicu.

and hung out with our baby.

i left after about 30 mins.

gave momma a report.

went to lunch with anya.

relaxed for a few minutes.

and went in for another visit with madeline.

doctors say everthing is good.

madeline is sucking in a little extra oxygen for a few days.

she may stay in the hospital for a little while.

just so we have enough time…

to get her room ready.

oh yeah…the important stuff.

madeline was born

at 11:56 am (march 24, 2008).

at a bruising 3 pounds, 13.5 ounces.

17.25 inches long.

(almost as tall as her mom at age 30).

kidding of course,

but liz is really short.

and baby is really long.

we’ve been joking over the past few days…

if madeline gets daddy’s height and mommy’s looks,

everything will be okay.

if it goes the other way

she’s in trouble.

thankfully she’s long…

and beautiful.

thanks to everyone.

the visitors.

the callers.

the writers.

the silent web page readers.

we appreciate the support more than you know.

the proud parents will continue to update everyone on our beautiful baby.

look forward to even more good news.

(i know we will).

Posted in baby.

By matt
3/24/2008 43 comments

liz

7.5 months., originally uploaded by mattlogelin.

Logelin, Elizabeth Ann “Liz” Was born September 1977 in Minneapolis, MN and was abruptly taken from our lives on March 25, 2008. Her joyful spirit and infectious smile touched everyone she met. Liz didn’t just enter a room; she lit up a room. Her boundless energy was inspiring to all, and her love was truly a blessing. She had a way of extracting a stranger’s life story within minutes, and welcoming them into her heart. With Blackberry in hand, and a lot of spunk, she met both personal and professional challenges head-on. Although small in stature, her impact on the world was immeasurable.

Liz spent the last months of her life devoted to her husband, her unborn daughter and the family they dreamed of having. She is survived by her loving husband, Matt; and her precious daughter, Madeline, born on March 24, 2008.

She is also survived by parents, Candee and Tom Goodman; and sister, Debbie; as well as many friends and family around the world.

A memorial service will be at Cabot and Sons, 27 Chestnut Street, Pasadena, CA 91103 on Saturday, March 29 at 1 PM. (626) 793-7159.

Memorial contributions may be made to The Logelin Family Memorial, care of: Wells Fargo, 3250 Glendale Blvd, Los Angeles CA 90039 or any Wells Fargo Bank branch. (323) 663-8023

Posted in liz.

By matt 3/28/2008 46 comments

what happened?

i’ve been hearing

that question

a lot.

so…

for those of you

who don’t know

here goes…

5 weeks of bedrest.

(2 at home, 3 in the hospital).

liz had low amniotic fluid.

baby had her cord around her neck.

baby’s heart rate dropped

(multiple times).

liz almost delivered

(multiple times).

the day finally came

(3/24).

madeline was born via c-section.

everyone was happy

and healthy.

liz was told

to hang out in bed

for another 24 hours

and then she was going to

see madeline.

she waited patiently

hearing stories

and seeing photos

of me

feeding and changing

madeline’s diapers.

(she was soooo jealous and i teased her mercilessly that i was 1, 2, 3 diapers ahead of her and that she had to catch up).

24 hours came

and she got ready

to lay her hands

on madeline

for the very

first

time.

she got up from bed

(with the help of some nurses and me).

we joked about her new-found independence.

i told her that she

had to start waiting on me

because i’d been waiting on her

for 5 weeks.

she laughed,

and said,

“of course.”

she walked to the mirror

and said,

“my hair looks like shit.”

we all laughed

(because her hair looked great, especially for someone who’d been on bed rest for 5 weeks).

the nurse said,

“are you ready to go?”

she said,

“yes.”

her excitement

was overflowing.

she turned around

to sit in her wheelchair

for her ride to see

madeline.

she said,

“i feel lightheaded”

and then she passed out.

we got her in to

her hospital bed.

doctors and nurses

rushed to help her.

but nothing could be done

to bring her

back.

no one to blame.

shitty luck

and

a pulmonary embolism

are what led us to

the saddest,

most horrific moment

of my life.

(and many other people’s lives).

Posted in baby.

By matt
4/13/2008 303 comments

More to come...from me...on my outlook on this...no words for now...I just have no words.....

Another family is in need of prayer...

2009-03-25T07:29:00.004-04:00

Gabe would have been 5 weeks younger than Eva...

Jonah is 5 hours and 55 minutes younger than Dante...

I have been led to pray for this family...

Please join me...

Stellan!

2009-03-23T19:59:00.002-04:00

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Please pray for Stellan!

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Dante's Newborn Hospital Picture...

2009-03-22T18:53:00.000-04:00

(I'll post the better one once our order arrives)

Baby Pictures...revisited!

2009-03-21T18:27:00.001-04:00

Me 1979

Dominic 1996

Mya 2000

Eva 2008

Dante 2009

Please pray for this family...

2009-03-15T23:17:00.001-04:00

http://www.thetippingfamily.com/

I could not imagine...

One loss was overwhelming for me...

My heart is broken for them...

Please Lord comfort them at this time...

http://www.thetippingfamily.com/

I am home...

2009-03-08T01:27:00.001-05:00

Feels so good to be home...

Enjoying this time w/ my boy...

More to come...

(Dominic and Mya are on sleepovers w/ family - thier choice - or I'd be enjoying this time w/them as well)

Why...

2009-03-07T10:07:00.001-05:00

Why is this happening?

I can't take it any more.

I just want to go home.

My nerves are shot.

My patience are exhausted.

And I can't say that I feel a whole lot better than I did when I came back to this place.

What is the point?

My family needs me...yes, I get that.

They need me now.

They need me forever.

But no one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Only God knows the days of my life.

Is there a guarantee that these medicines are going to keep me alive?

Is there still a chance that this clot could kill me?

No one here, in the flesh, can answer these questions...

I just want to go home...

TODAY!

NOW for that matter...

Tastefully Simple...AGAIN

2009-03-07T00:27:00.001-05:00

It's that time again...

Some of you know and others do not but I sell Tastefully Simple. I have been only selling the minimum per quarter just to remain a consultant because I like having the discount for myself and I hope and plan to get back up and running...someday.

We are approaching the end of the quarter, being March 31th, and I am again in a bit or a crunch. I need a few hundred dollars more in sales (approx $3oo) to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant. I am once again offering promotional discounts, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise). So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts, please email me!

jane7doe7@aol.com (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line)

Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments!

Never, ever, ever...is there any obligation. I just want to extend the offer and get the info out there.

The fall and winter items are likely limited being that the season changed from fall/winter to spring/summer after February 28th. If you want to stock up on something that was to be leaving w/the switch...email me the product and I will get back to you.

Thanks to all that have helped in the past and those of you in the future.

I wanna go home to them...

2009-03-06T06:10:00.004-05:00

Would you believe...

2009-03-05T22:05:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not I am back in the hospital.

Yesterday around dinner time I laid down to feed Dante. I nursed and we both fell sleep. I woke up around 8:30 PM in a puddle of sweat and had the chills. As I began to move around and attempt to sit up is when I realized I could not breath. I was gasping for air and began to cry, as that is something I've never experienced before. The heavy pain in my chest was not a good feeling. I called my PCP's office and waited the for doc on call to call me back. He said that I could wait till morning to be seen but it sounded like I should go to the ER. I had been coughing since Friday night (several hours after surgery) and even Dante's pediatrician (during his appointment yesterday- FYI he weighed 8 lbs 1 oz) noticed my cough and wheeze and recommended being seen if it didn't improve.

Vinnie, Dante and I headed to the ER after taking Mya and Dominic to Dominic's dads house since we were unsure of the length of our stay. Little did I know that my stay would be much greater than I had anticipated.

Long story short (okay not so short)...I had blood work done where a level came back high meaning likely a blood clot. I was then sent for a CT scan w/contrast of the chest which meant I could not nurse for 48 hours. Imagine the tears shed w/ that alone. Results of CT revealed a blood clot in my right lung as well as some fluid. This results in admission...w/out my 5 day old son.

Needless to say I was crushed. Devastated and a mess. How can this be happening. After last year w/ Eva I was now given no choice but to be away from my 5 day old baby for who knows how long.

I've had, in addition to the CT, an EKG, doppler testing on my legs, breathing treatments and an echo cardiogram. I have been put on two blood thinners Lovenox and Coumadin in which will likely be the treatment for the next several months. I guess the thoughts are that I likely developed a clot in my pelvis during/due to the pregnancy and after surgery clots are more likely to occur and reveal themselves.

Either way I was quite miserable. I am doing better now after spending several hours w/ my boy today. And knowing that he has had no problem w/ taking the bottle and the formula helps to ease some of my stress. Next stress will be that he comes right back to nursing at 2 AM Saturday (yes, I'm counting down). I am currently pumping and dumping...do you know how bad that sucks? Breast milk is like liquid gold. I hate to see it all wasted! But because of the dye used for the CT scan I have no choice. I hope to be home soon but if I'm not I can at least start collecting my milk at 2 AM Saturday for his feedings thereafter.

Please continue praying for us. For a fast recovery, medication adjustment, no long term complications w/ the clot, discharged soon, Dante to continue doing well for Daddy (it's been 9 yrs since we've had a healthy baby at home - and Vinnie wasn't on his own w/ Mya as a newborn like he is now w/ Dante), Dominic and Mya to remain fear free as this is hard on them as well, it's likely I'll need to inject myself at home w/ the Lovenox - prayers that I can do such, my appetite has gone out the window...I need that to come back and our hearts as Eva's birthday quickly approaches.

Ironic? Coincidence? Eva lived for 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes. Because I analyze everything I calculated that Dante would be 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes old at 4:05 AM last night. Call me crazy, weird or whatever but is it strange that I said goodbye to both my baby girl and my baby boy at that very same moment of there lives? Obviously w/ Dante it was more like "see you tomorrow" than a goodbye but it was EXACTLY 4:05 AM when Vinnie and Dante left me last night as I was being admitted and brought up to a room? Dante will be a week old tomorrow and I have been away from him much too long already. I MISS HIM. I miss them all. Dominic, Mya, Eva and Dante. Oh and Vinnie too!

A quick update...

2009-03-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

We are home and doing well. Or as well as expected. I am sore, but who wouldn't be w/ 18 staples going across your lower abdomen. I have a dry raspy cough that doesn't go well w/ the above mentioned staples and a low dull back pain likely from the spinal. Please do not think at all that I am complaining. I know that these, besides the cough, are normal for going through a c-section. I don't seem to remember ANY of this from last year. Likely because I had a baby girl getting ready to leave this earth and had nothing but her on my mind. I was running, I kid you not, back and forth to the NICU and a week to the day she was born I was driving to buy Dominic cloths for his sisters funeral and to Walgreen's to pick up pictures to make a board of memories of those short but meaningful 5 1/2 days.

His name is Dante Vincent. We should have never questioned it because Dante Vincent had been set for the past 10 years but we thought we'd consider all options. He doesn't exactly look like a Dante to me but more like a Santino...but calling him Santino to his face just didn't sound right.

He is precious. And tiny. I know 8 lbs 8 oz sounds big but he had leveled off at 7 lbs 13 oz by the time we left the hospital yesterday. He hit 8 lbs 2 oz Friday at midnight and 7 lbs 13 oz Saturday and Sunday at midnight. Tomorrow is his first appointment for a weight check since I am nursing so we will see where he stands. I also will be having the 18 staples removed tomorrow. Yikes! I remember that it wasn't too bad last year but again, nothing was that bad besides my daughters condition, so I pray tomorrow is a breeze.

I thank God every minute of every day for this healthy baby boy. He is the love of my life these days and I am ever so grateful to have him in my arms. But my heart aches for my baby girl that had to leave me so soon almost a year ago.

I found myself in the wee hours of the night rocking Dante and just crying out to God to please let him stay. Please don't don't take him away too soon. Please allow us to keep him forever.

Who does that?

One who has said goodbye entirely too soon? One who knows that tomorrow is no guarantee? One who wants nothing more that to raise her children her on earth and for those children to outlive her.

Eva's first birthday is two weeks away. Dominic, Mya, Vinnie and I have started to discuss what to do. I know we will come up w/ something fit for us and perfect the whole way around. It's just hard to fathom the fact that we should have an 11 1/2 month old here in our home too.

More pictures to come...

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, for playing the baby game and voting on his name. We cherish you all and are glad that you have continued to carry us through some of the most trying and blessed times of our lives.

He's here!!! He's here!!!

2009-02-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

Baby Boy Coppo
Friday, February 27, 2009
8 lbs 8 ozs
20 inches
9:55 AM
Check back for updates, pics and details.
And as of yet...he still is un-named!
We're working on it!

In less than 10 hours...

2009-02-26T23:33:00.002-05:00

In less than ten hours I pray to hear the lungs of my fourth born child. I pray to see a pudgy pink face and body lifted above that blue curtain. I pray for a healthy baby boy!

Tomorrow is the day. I still feel pretty sick but my spirits are high. Dominic and Mya seem to be just fine, as neither of them even really knew they were sick in the first place.

I managed to make it to the game last night and had an okay time. Would have been much more enjoyable if I felt better and were not 9 1/2 plus months pregnant. We bought the baby a Penguins pacifier w/ matching holder and a Penguins teether. And thanks to my dear friend/co-worker Christy we have the same items for when Steeler season rolls around again. Poor kid will be a fan of them all no matter what...! And that's not by my choice! Vinnie and Mya will brainwash him from the moment they can. To be honest I think there is some game (not sure what sport or even team for that matter - that is on tomorrow night that I heard Vinnie telling his Dad on the phone that he'll be watching it w/ his son)! See what I mean...he's not even here yet and dads making TV plans!

I am anxious and nervous. I wanna say more anxious. I pray for perfection and God's perfect will. I pray that this baby has zero complications, comes home and outlives me! Is that too much to ask for? Nothing is too much for my God!

I pray that I have zero complications, minimal pain and am able to take in every bit of this new blessing.

I pray that as soon as we see his sweet face that his name falls into place. Because you know we are still undecided!

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. I will post as soon as I am able!

Minor Update and Prayer Requests...

2009-02-25T11:57:00.001-05:00

I've been wanting to post sooner than now and wanting to give more of an update than this but have run into a few technical difficulties.

As of yesterday Mya has an ear infection.

As of this morning Dominic has strep throat.

And as for me...well I feel like death. I've got a headache, sore throat, heartburn that is causing me to throw up and now other intestinal discomforts. Needless to say I am quite miserable.

And to top it off...as of this past Monday...we've been scheduled for a c-section this Friday.

Yes, not tomorrow but the next day.

I feel as if the devil is trying to steal our joy. I do not want to have to reschedule the surgery for Monday or thereafter. I want nothing more than to meet my baby boy. But I also want the strength and the energy to take care of him, to love him and to do all the things that I didn't get to do for and with my precious Eva.

I am trying to be seen today w/ my PCP for a rapid throat culture (Dominic's rapid was negative and over night turned positive). We'll see how that goes. I haven't seen my PCP in quite sometime and was really trying to avoid it at all costs.

Please pray for the health of our household. Please pray that Friday will remain "THE DAY" and please pray for our hearts as we enjoy our newest blessing from the Lord. Prayers for an uncomplicated delivery, no health issues for the baby nor I and for peace that surpasses all understanding as we anticipate that this experience will be different than our last.

I hope to post again before surgery.

I plan to post pictures as soon as I can on Friday.

And I hope to post a pic of this baby boys current dwelling place (boy am I big) as well as his post hospital stay dwelling place as well.

And as crappy as I currently feel...I hope to make it to tonight's Penguin game w/ Vinnie and the kids. We were offered 4 tickets from the Caring Place to view tonight's game from Sidney Crosby's suite. I'd hate to miss that! I haven't been to a hockey game in over 10 years...

Thank you for your continuous thoughts and prayers!

37 wks & 1 day + Valentine's Day + Tina & Justin's Wedding = PRICELESS

2009-02-15T00:47:00.001-05:00

Several shots of my hair...Thanks to Bella Capelli Academy...$15 and complementary make-up!!!

Different dress from the other bridesmaids...altered perfectly...from a ginormous size 24!!!

Me and my Mini-ME! ~ Dominic snuck out w/out getting in on the photo shoot... :(

Barbie and I.....I mean Tina and I!

My gentleman of a partner for the day! Thank you Lucas!

All in all a perfect day and night! Best wishes to the newlyweds! I love you both!

As for you, baby boy dwelling within...feel free to come any day, hour or minute now!

Thank you Lord that we've made it this far w/ baby boy still inside!

Now that the wedding is complete...I, we, are ready to go!!!

HOW BOUT THAT!

2009-02-01T22:13:00.000-05:00

WE DID IT!

Bring that six pack back to SIXburgh boyz!

Showin some support...

2009-02-01T16:32:00.017-05:00

I know this is not the update yinz (that's y'all in Pittsburgh slang) were looking for but I figured it's better than no post at all.

Just supporting the Steeler's (since the rest of my family are die hard fans).

These pictures are from 2006...yinz know, the last time we won the Superbowl...when we got the one for the thumb.

Mya will always be daddy's little girl and a...

Looking forward to our boyz bringin home that 6 pack from Tampa tonight!

I guess...

2008-12-30T16:00:00.002-05:00

I guess because it has been nine months people assume we are all better now...

I guess because we are seven and a half months pregnant people assume we have picked up and moved on...

I guess because we appear to be functioning normally people assume we are back to normal...

But the truth be told...people...we are no better than we were on September 28th, 2007 ~ the day we received her diagnosis....we have far from picked up and moved on...and we are not and never will be normal again ~ not that we ever were. Instead...we are different...we are living each day the best that we can...and our normal is no where near your normal.

Speaking for myself here...

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about her. There is not a day that goes by that her name is not spoken out loud thru my lips. There is not a day that goes by that she is not tremendously missed. There are many constant reminders of her absence. The still so very tender scar on my abdomen is just one of the many. The dwelling place of her little brother that is growing profusely, with every toss and turn and kick and punch felt from within is just another reminder of what her sick little self was incapable of allowing me to feel just a year ago. Her pictures that are all over the house instead of her crawling at my feet as I type.

What I'd give to have her here in my arms...here...today. Instead of nursing my baby girl after work, baby food feeding her dinner in a high chair and nursing again before bed...this evening...I will attend a memorial service sponsored by The Caring Place (the support group that we attend for our grieving children and their families).

So I guess what I am trying to say here...is that we are not all better, we have not moved on and we are by far not back to any type of normal. Please do not assume that because we can go about our day, laugh and function as everyone else does...does not mean that we are still not grieving, mourning, missing and healing over the loss of our baby girl.

Yes, we are anticipating this new little boy more than ever but we are also more protective of our hearts knowing more than ever that we are not promised tomorrow....not w/ each other, not w/ our other children, not w/ our parents/grandparents, and certainly not w/ this new baby boy. I cherish every move he makes even if I sometimes find myself praying at night for him to just fall asleep. I am anxious to meet him but just as anxious as I am to be reunited w/ my precious Eva. There are many bittersweet feeling and emotions felt each and everyday. I just wish people could understand where we are coming from, where we are at, where we are going and where we will never be again.

I am still here...

2008-12-24T01:33:00.000-05:00

Thank you to those who have reached out, concerned, asking if everything is okay. I am here. I have nothing profound to say. I am just here. I could care less about the holidays, and felt this way prior to Eva. If it weren't for Dominic and Mya I could go right thru the festivities w/out skipping a beat. Tonight, I am miserable. Likely because of a certain someone around me. But I won't get into that. Just for now...I am here. Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. I hope that everyone has a very happy and truly blessed Christmas and New Year!

Baby Faith Clare is on her way!!!

2008-11-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

Visit The Stanfield's website to follow the delivery of Baby Faith Clare and to pray for them throughout the entire process of getting to meet their precious baby girl! It's been 10 weeks since this post...PRAISE GOD FOR THOSE PAST TEN WEEKS!

Sooooo BIG!!!

2008-11-03T22:13:00.001-05:00

This was 33 weeks ago...taken at 38 weeks w/ Eva.

This is just 22 weeks in...w/ this baby boy. And to think I've got 18 more weeks to go?

How big can one be by then???

Yeah, so what if I'm at Burger King!

And I am well aware of how my gut matches my butt...thank you very much (Rachel)!

The Stanfield's...

2008-11-02T22:31:00.001-05:00

Kenzie is back in the hospital. She is asking us to pray for several specifics. I have listed them below. She has come along way, just a couple days short of 35 weeks. Praise GOD!

Please pray for wisdom for their doctors, for strength and the health of their baby girl, Faith Clare, for her lungs to be developed, her ability to breath on her own, for her ability to nurse, for no overnight stay in the NICU and for Mom and Dad's peace of mind.

Also, please pray for precious Deacon as he misses his Mommy when she is not at home.

Praying for God's perfect plan and will to be done. Praying for this amazing family and the perfect timing regarding Faith Clare's birthday!

Thank you for praying for them through this emotional time...through this very emotional year!

Tune in...AGAIN!!!

2008-10-30T16:15:00.001-04:00

Please tune in AGAIN to Oprah tomorrow (Friday, October 31st) for ANOTHER episode featuring the Mooney family.

Their son Eliot's story can be read here Eliot Hartman Mooney 7.20.06~10.27.06 and seen here 99 Balloons.

And here is the blog of his new little sister Hazel Emerson.

Thank you to those who tuned in for Tuesday's episode. Talk about emotional! And did you see the tears on Oprah?

Priceless!

I can only pray that the world has been touched not only by Eliot but by ALL of the precious children who stared on that show!

Tune In...

2008-10-27T12:57:00.000-04:00

Please tune in to Oprah tomorrow for the episode on Miracle Children.

The Mooney family will be sharing Eliot's story, which can be read here Eliot Hartman Mooney 7.20.06~10.27.06 and seen here 99 Balloons.

Here is the blog of his new little sister Hazel Emerson.

So bittersweet...

2008-10-17T10:01:00.000-04:00

Our daughter turned 7 months today and our son is half way here...

7 months out and 5 months in...

So bittersweet...

Say Cheese...

2008-10-15T21:45:00.001-04:00

The top 9 pics are from the 1st trimester screening on August 22nd, 2008

This is the envelope that contained the pics from this past Monday's appointment...Vinnie had the pleasure of writing on it...

This is the label of the video...also from Monday's appointment. Can you tell how excited Vinnie is???

The below 12 pics are from the level II on Monday, October 13th, 2008

Update...

2008-10-14T20:33:00.007-04:00

Isaiah 65:17-20 (New Living Translation)

17
“Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth,
and no one will even think about the old ones anymore.

18
Be glad; rejoice forever in my creation!
And look! I will create Jerusalem as a place of happiness.
Her people will be a source of joy.

19
I will rejoice over Jerusalem
and delight in my people.
And the sound of weeping and crying
will be heard in it no more.

20
“No longer will babies die when only a few days old.
No longer will adults die before they have lived a full life.
No longer will people be considered old at one hundred!
Only the cursed will die that young!

Yesterday at 10AM (EST) was our level II ultrasound. Our prayers were for our experience to be much better and different from last years. We already knew thus far that all previous ultrasounds and blood work had been great BUT we also knew that that means nothing...

We were trusting and believing that this baby is well, healthy and whole and even if not we would love and cherish every moment as we did w/ Eva.

This baby has been quite active since 15 weeks (I am 19 weeks and 4 days today). Even that in and of itself if different from last year as Eva was tiny and never very forceful w/ her movements. I was trying my hardest to get thru yesterday w/ joy and happiness w/ the new life the Lord has blessed us with but it was hard going back to that same place that changed our lives a year ago.

I was also hoping to making it thru the ultrasound w/ this baby's gender remaining a surprise...I had thoughts that I'd lose that battle as Vinnie was very eager to know...and NOW!

Thank you all for continuing to think of us, email us and most of all pray for us. We truly do feel your prayers.

I didn't have time to post this on the blog yesterday as we had a busy day...10 AM ultrasound, lunch in town (we had a gift certificate from Nov. last year that we had yet to use), a 1:30 PM appt, a 4 PM prenatal visit (w/ a new doctor to the practice) and a 5:20 PM appt w/ the chiropractor (I've been having very bad headaches, neck pain and back discomfort). Then we had to get kids from daycare (4 kids...we carpool on Monday's), feed them all dinner and then have the girls at Joyful Twirlers by 7 PM.

Can we say exhaustion!!!

So...as for how yesterday's ultrasound went.

Again, I want to say thank you to all of you that emailed and text messaged!

It truly meant a lot and our morning went w/ such ease (I am sure that is because of the blanket of prayers that covered us from afar).

I was welcomed to the office w/ open arms of a nurse that just loved us last year. I told her that I was so hoping to make it thru the appt (emotions wise) and even more w/ the baby's gender still remaining a surprise. She was going to write a note for the tech stating that we DID NOT want to know but I told her not to and we would just go with the flow (Vinnie was waiting in the waiting room for me while I signed in).

We had a different tech (one that I never had before) so in a way I think that was good and we were in a different room than ever before which also made for a smooth ride. Right away the tech asked if we wanted to know the gender. I said no and Vinnie said yes. So again, we decided to wait till all the other parts of the baby were measured and checked out and asked for her to ask us again.

As she looked at the heart she explained everything that she was looking for, in detail…as well as the umbilical cord, measurements and this baby's entire body. The baby was very active and moving all over the place (surely not because I drank a cafe mocha from Walgreen's on the way there) but at the same time being very cooperative w/ positioning for all the needed views.

At one point I swear I could see the little three lines, kinda like a hamburger, so my guess was a girl (for those who have girls you might know what I mean). Then I saw something else...that looked like a bigger bulge close to between the baby's legs. I blurted out...what is that??? And the tech said it was the cord. Whew. I thought it was a boy part. I don't say whew in a bad way but just that I thought the gender was out of the bag, so to say.

Then that moment came where the tech asked us again if we wanted to know...at this time it was too late for me to tell her that if it's a girl tell us that you can't tell and if it's a boy go ahead and reveal it. Reason being, like every male, Vinnie was hoping for a boy, a healthy baby all in all, but maybe…just maybe…a boy. I felt that if it were a girl than he'd be slightly disappointed. I also felt that finding out the gender at the time of delivery would leave no room for disappointment. So, yes, I didn't want to know more because I had a feeling it was a girl and because I thought he'd be disappointed.

Anyways, long story short...it's a boy. I lost the battle of "let's wait"...

I am so thankful and truly blessed to be carrying a healthy and whole baby boy. I am so thankful for a tech who was so patient w/ us and our son yesterday and who was so detailed in giving us so much information. I am blessed to have been able to see the same caring doctor who delivered Eva just 30 weeks ago. I am ecstatic to know that this baby's hands are open and not clenched, his heart is hole free, his brain is cyst-less, his feet are straight and not clubbed nor rocker bottom....he is peeing and swallowing normally and measuring 1 day ahead and not weeks behind!!!

Not sure if God has blessed us w/ a son, the opposite of our Eva because He knows that I was already comparing everything this time around to out last years experience. I would have taken a girl any day, don't get me wrong...I just know each and every day I would have thought about what would Eva had looked at this time, what would Eva had weighed at this time, what would Eva be doing right now...I do all that as it is. I just think it will be tad different w/ a little boy.

I still am in a state of shock w/ hearing that he is a he. I really felt he was she. Maybe I am not completely convinced. I think I need a second opinion...lol. I am thinking about calling our local community college again to volunteer. Why not? They are always in need of guinea pigs to practice on.

***I typed this earlier but waited to post. Since then I had called our local CCAC and believe it or not the teacher asked if I could come in today...so I did. The students all took turns scanning me as well as looking thru my photo albums of Eva. Well, I guess I need to be convinced..he is INDEED a he! No if's, and's or but's about it...IT IS THERE!***

PRAISE be to the only ONE who GIVES and TAKES away. We are truly thankful and blessed beyond measure! Thank you Lord for loving us and creating MY two boys and two girls!!!

Psalm 139 (The Message)
13-16
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.

I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Okay...so I stole a recipe!!!

2008-10-10T20:47:00.001-04:00

Back in July, on Susie's blog, she had post referring to Andrea's popcorn all over the floor.

At that time I saved Andrea's blog (and the recipe) for future reference.

On occasion, I would pop on to Sgt and Mrs Hub's blog and drool over the recipes and graphic pics of all the lovely things she makes and bakes for her family.

When one day I came upon this post...

Which brought me to Kim's blog...and Kim's recipe...

(I do not know these females at all...just stealing their recipes)!!! Thanks gals!

LET ME JUST TELL YOU THAT THESE CHICKEN ENCHILADAS ARE TO DIE FOR!!!!

Thanks to the love of my life (AKA Vinnie) my belly is full...in more ways than one...and I may even go back for more anyways!

It's funny how I retrieve the recipes, sometimes do the shopping for the necessary items, then leave the rest to him. I asked if I could help him tonight and he said yeah...read me the recipe as I go and sit here and talk to me while I do it.

Ummm, OKAY! So that's what I did!

He takes good care of us! Even more in the kitchen!!!

(Did I ever mention how food is my best friend)???

Copied idea from ConfessionsOfACFHusband.com.....

2008-10-01T21:27:00.000-04:00

Squidoo (an online group that raises tons of money for charities) is giving $80,000 to the charities of your choice. Basically, anyone who wants to participate can vote for one charity (from a list of about 50...don't vote more than once or all your votes will be deleted)...

Squidoo will donate $2/vote. You don't even have to sign up for anything! Feel free to CLICK HERE and vote for any charity you believe could use $2...

I voted for The March of Dimes...need I explain why?

You have until October 15 to vote! Let me know if you participate, and which organization got your vote (even if it's not one the one I chose)!

Thanks

My goal for Tastefully Simple was $400...

2008-10-01T12:33:00.002-04:00

And look at this...$405.36 !!!!!

And in just 5 Internet orders!!!

(The other 3 were obtained from friends of a friend, family and a friend of family).

Penny $60.43

Deb $60.42

Carole $15.72

Lisa $122.99

Faith $13.48

Chrissy & Anita $60.41

Jeannine $28.97

Carey $42.94

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And these are those who placed orders and were ever so kind to allow me to process a day later to count towards my NEXT quarters goal!

Kelly
Cathy
Angi
Gina
Kathleen
Jamie
Carol

THANK you to EVERYONE who has help me achieve my goal. Not only for this quarter but for the next quarter too!

Today was THAT day...

2008-09-28T19:07:00.001-04:00

Today was THAT day last year when I received that horrific phone call. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I know where I was, what I was doing, where I was going...even what I was wearing. That phone call changed my life. That baby girl, who I didn't know was a girl at that time, changed my life. Today, this year...I am a different person. I think differently, I act differently, I love differently, I hug differently, I even cry differently...my life is different. Different indeed. And I am so thankful to be here, standing, today.

Last year, this day...I was knocked over by the biggest, baddest storm ever. One that took the breath out of my lungs and one that I never thought I would live through. One that I thought would not only take my precious baby's life but mine too. But w/ God I came through that storm, and I am standing today to say I did it. It was far from easy. It still ain't over but I am standing today and that, to me, is an accomplishment.

I may not be where I am at if it wasn't for the help of this place...this blog...this public journal of my life. Strangers who have followed, loved and cried from afar...I couldn't thank you enough for carrying me when I couldn't walk on my own. Thank you for carrying my mat. Luke 5:17-20

A year ago today I remember saying to my PCP on the phone as I cried that I couldn't be the reason for my baby's heart to stop. That if her heart was going to stop than I would leave it to God. He was in control, not I. And she said to me that if God was so high and mighty why do things like this (T18) happen in the first place. Wow. Wow, is all I can say all over again. I am so thankful that I didn't feed into that nor question such a thing.

HE is high and mighty. And HE is in control. No doctor could tell me a year ago today that my daughters heart would beat for not only 38 weeks inside of me but for an additional 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes here on this earth. There in my arms, in Vinnie's arms, in Dominic's arms and in Mya's arms too. NO DOCTOR was high and mighty enough to KNOW! ONLY HE KNEW! AND I thank HIM for HIS promise that allowed me to trust in only Him. Those doctors told me I'd miscarry. Then they said I'd likely deliver between 28-34 weeks. At 28 weeks a test detected a possible delivery within 7-14-21 days. I carried her another 10 weeks after that test.

Statistics are for the birds. I beg to differ w/ the statistics of T18. Look at my side bar. Read, if you haven't yet all the stories of T18 babies that were born alive, and lived minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years. Maybe it's about time they re-do the statistics...(no need for a debate here, just my opinion)

My point of this blog...I don't even know. But I do know that I am doing well today despite that I miss my baby girl.

TS

2008-09-28T18:43:00.000-04:00

Update on the Tastefully Simple...I am less that $100 away from my goal w/ a couple potential orders pending. Looking good and I should make it. Don't let that scare you away. I am still offering the "promotion" until Tuesday, September 30th and even thereafter I can take orders and still offer a little something off. But come December it will be crunch time again so I will be running my good ol' "promotion" again. I will post a final order/dollar count as well as many thank you's come Wednesday. Thank you to all thus far!

Ticker...for those who have emailed and asked.

2008-09-28T17:57:00.002-04:00

I have a pregnancy ticker up and running way down at the very bottom of my page. It's been there since maybe even before I "officially" announced the news.

As of today, I am 17 weeks and 2 days. That is going by my cycle dates. I have had maybe 3 ultrasounds (one just for the confirmation and heartbeat...one cause I was having some cramping and my doctor is WONDERFUL and probably just wanted to reassure me that all was well and one for the 1st trimester screening to measure the nuchal fold - nuchal translucency).

Each ultrasound has been pretty close w/ the dates maybe 2-4 days plus the cycle date. My due date according to my cycle is 3/6/09 and according to one or two of the three ultrasounds my due date was determined to be 3/8/09...Therefore, when asked I say 3/7/09...ten days before Eva's 1st birthday.

So, if you are wanting to follow along with the ticker please scroll all the way down to the bottom.

God's Pharmacy

2008-09-28T17:47:00.000-04:00

I received this in an email. I don't know who wrote it. I just liked it...

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish...all before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born.

These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...

God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak... These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocado's, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow.

Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produces tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

2008-09-28T17:27:00.001-04:00

I received this in an email. I do not know who wrote it. I just liked it...

IF TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, 'This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.'
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Tastefully Simple

2008-09-26T18:57:00.005-04:00

Some of you know and others do not but I sell Tastefully Simple. I have been only selling the minimum per quarter just to remain a consultant because I like having the discount for myself and I hope and plan to get back up and running...someday.

We are at the end of the quarter, being Tuesday, September 30th, and I am in a bit or a crunch. I need a couple hundred dollars more in sales to make my goal or else...I'll be done selling and no longer a consultant.

I just got wind that the summer line items (those that are left and while supplies last) are 25% off. I am also offering some promotional discounts myself, which I cannot post here (too big of a discount to post here...I promise). So if you like TS products, need a refill or are looking to purchase gifts for the upcoming holidays, please email me!

jane7doe7@aol.com (put TS or Tastefully Simple in the subject line)

Orders can be shipped anywhere! And I can accept credit card/debit card payments!

I know...I know...

2008-09-26T18:33:00.003-04:00

I know, I owe an update and tons of pictures. I am horrible at this blog thing anymore. Although, I do check on a ton of you of daily because that takes less time than it does to sit here and type my inner most thoughts and feelings. I always recite over and over again in my head what I plan to post next but those thoughts never make it here.

We are so busy but I guess that's what works for us. That doesn't mean that I am all better it just means that my life has slowly adjusted to reality of my daughter not being physically here w/ me. I miss here just as much today, if not even more, than I did minutes after she was gone. It baffles me how people tend to tell you that life gets easier...I beg to differ. It never gets easier. It will hurt forever. There will always be that empty feeling and that one little person will always be missing. PERIOD! Never gets easier. You just find your own, new coping mechanism. Mine, I guess is staying busy. And I have to say it is a true blessing being pregnant again and anticipating this new little life. It gives me so much hope and so much to be thankful for and another reason to trust and believe that God is indeed good and hears our prayers and answers them in His time.

I had my 16 week blood work done on Monday. I wasn't really worried about the results although I did call the next day to see if the results were in. I didn't know how long they would take but wanted the office to know that I was waiting on the results and to call me. I called again today just to see if they were in and that is when I realized how anxious I really was. Then a bit of fear set in. The thoughts of ...oh my...and...what if...and how could I do something like that again...but I tried my best to shut those thoughts down. I called the office once more, about 3 minutes before they closed and left yet another message just stating that I didn't want to be left hanging over the weekend and if the results weren't in to please at least let me know. Within minutes the phone rang. The nurse on the other end said that all the screening results were negative. I asked if that meant that they were normal results...and she said yes. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Now, the next big appointment is October 13th. The level II ultrasound. I cannot wait. We will not be finding out the gender, at least that is my plan, but we will be making sure that all actually looks good. Please pray for this appointment.

I went back today and re-read last years posts. I received the T18 diagnosis call on September 28th, which is just 2 days away. What a year it has been. So bittersweet. I can barely read my own words. I so wish this was someone elses story and not mine. Don't get me wrong...I love Eva more than life itself, just wish I had her here and not waiting for me in Heaven.

I know I am missing lots of things w/ this post and I know I have more on my heart and on my mind but for whatever reason I am at a loss for words. I hope to continue this in a little bit...

09/23/2008

2008-09-23T02:57:00.004-04:00

Today is the 23rd.....6 months out and yet 4 months in.....so many mixed emotions today.

Please PRAY!

2008-09-06T12:45:00.000-04:00

Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20

Please be on your knees w/ me in prayer for the precious Stanfield Family! I had gotten a text from Kenzie on Wednesday night stating that she was in the hospital w/ preterm labor (at 26 weeks w/ baby Faith Clare), having contractions and slightly dilated. At this time I text messaged my friends, family and church asking for their prayer support.

As of today Kenzie is still in the hospital, still contracting and the medication is not doing what the doctors hoped it would, not to mention that it is causing her much discomfort. She just had a test done (same test I had done in January w/ Eva...mentioned in this post) as is waiting on the results. Praying for a negative result but knowing that a positive result doesn't mean a thing. My results were positive and Eva was delivered 10 weeks later.

Here is the link to their blog http://thestanfieldjourney.blogspot.com.

Please visit them, comment to let them know you care and please continue to pray them thru till their December due date. God is in control.

Yet he did not waver thru unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised. Romans 4:20

Baby Names and more...

2008-08-27T21:30:00.005-04:00

Never before would I have wanted to announce what our thoughts were towards names. Now, I guess I am at that point in life as to what difference does it make? If someone feels the need to "steal" our name...who cares! Right? lol It's not like many of our blog family live close by nor do we see or hang out with them on a regular basis...so again, who cares.

With that said I posted our thoughts...or should I say MY thoughts on names on the side bar. I thought it'd be neat to see what the "world" likes in regards to names. We have run a few past our family already...so I have heard the diarrhea jokes regarding Ria...and Vinnie thinks that Jia would get Jya...but our poor Mya gets Mia? Why, I don't know. We would just correct someone, continuously if we have to. Please feel free to "vote" on your favorite, boy and/or girl name. I'd love to get your opinions.

As for the question will we be finding out the baby's gender...NOPE! I want a surprise! I wanted to wait w/ Eva but when the "surprise" came in the form of a T18 diagnosis , my fear was of a miscarriage and didn't want to not know what the baby was ahead of time. So I knew Eva was a girl the same day I knew of the diagnosis, 13 weeks. This time, I want to wait...that's if Mya and Vinnie will allow it!

Friday's screening went very well. Comparing it to last year, what a difference. Eva was stubborn from the get-go. She would not allow herself to be measured and gave the tech (and me) a run for our money. I was made to move from side to side, emptied my bladder, the tech and doctor poked and prodded before summing it up to a measurement of 3.2 mm (the nuchal fold). As I was told last year (boy some things you never forget) was that 2.5mm and under was considered normal and 3.5mm and above was considered abnormal. The 1mm in between was considered a gray window in which they are unsure and wait for the blood work results to come back.

My blood work last year showed the hcg and pappa levels being too low. This meant that something was wrong w/ the baby's heart or something was wrong w/ the placenta. In our case...it was indeed her heart. Cause of death was congestive heart failure. Crazy to me that blood from me at 12 weeks of pregnancy could detect something that big.

So, this baby...last weeks ultrasound and blood work...was all GOOD! Nuchal fold measurement was 1.6mm (mind you, well under the 2.5mm and 1/2 of what Eva's was) and the blood work was normal levels. After the test last year I was told that my risk factor for a down's baby was 1/140 (they thought T18 was ruled out, boy were they wrong).....this year, after the screening test and results my risk factor for a down's baby (again, T18 ruled out) is 1/5000. I'm content w/ that.

I will not be proceeding w/ any invasive testing. No CVS nor amnio. I wasn't going to do that anyways but I am now feeling a lot better w/ making that decision. I will have the quad screening blood test on 9/18 and a Level II ultrasound on 10/17 and take it from there. Both in which last year showed the T18 characteristics very clearly.

Stay tuned. Pics to come, I promise!

(Someone had voted for Ara when I first put the poll up. Then I realized I needed to add one more name and had to delete the first poll. I hope that person, whoever you are, will re-vote w/ a new selection or w/ Ara again. Sorry for the confusion!)

Tomorrow...

2008-08-21T23:47:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is a big and busy day for us. Up at 6, out the door by 7, dr's appt at 8 and no later than 10 we'll be on the road for a two+ hour drive to meet up w/ friends and enjoy some fun in the sun! So looking forward to it!

As for the appt, you prayers are needed, please. We are heading back to AGH for our 1st trimester screening...which means a few things to us. This will be all 4 of ours first time back to AGH since March when we left w/out our baby girl, Eva....this is also the same place and test where our journey w/ Eva all began. Lots of mixed emotions here. Please pray for us.

As for an update, not much going on. I started a new job on August 4th. More details on that later, nothing bad thus far. As for my current status, I am nauseous...everyday. PRAISE GOD for NAUSEA! I have a few ultrasound pics to post after our crazy weekend, as well as I still plan to post about our trip to the beach, Atlanta and camping. Boy have I been slacking!!!

So, on that note...all is well. We're all still here. Baby and all. Blood work and appts this far have gone great. Heart rate is 167-171. So awesome to hear that coming from within. We are so blessed and very thankful!

Please check back soon for back dated posts and major, major pics! Gotta have pics!

7/21/2008 = 8 YEARS

2008-07-21T23:02:00.004-04:00

HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY, MYA! We love you so very much!!!

7/21/08 also ='s 7+ WEEKS

2008-07-21T22:57:00.004-04:00

HAPPY 7+ WEEKS PRECIOUS NEW LIFE!

PRAISING GOD FOR BLESSING US!

WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH ALREADY!

No words...

2008-07-16T13:37:00.001-04:00

other than.....please visit the Deeper Still Blog today...

Coincidence...I think not.

2008-07-13T11:59:00.002-04:00

As I drove to a funeral tonight of a friend that I have not seen since high school (besides a brief moment of exchanging a few kind words at the tattoo shop sometime over the past 14 years) I prayed. I prayed that my going to this place (where I did not want to be...since the last time I stood face to face w/ a casket was to say goodbye to my daughter) would some how some way be an inspiration to others, or even just to one person for that matter.

I prayed as I drove along Frankstown road towards the funeral home. Prayed to touch someones life. Prayed that someone would be encouraged by my strength, seeing me come to such place just 16 weeks from the day my baby girl took her last breath. Prayed that someone could see that I am doing well. That only God has carried me thus far. By His power I could face the brother and mother of this old friend of mine who took his last breath this past Tuesday. Satan did this to him, to them. Satan allowed the 29 year old to desire the poison that would take his life. He had been doing well from what I have heard. Pictures from just a week ago revealed such. Maybe he thought "just one more time" not knowing that "one more time" would indeed be his last.

As I hugged his mother I reminded her of who I was and of that last day of ninth grade when she picked a few of us from school on an early dismissal...we squeezed too many of us into that tiny red sports car to go back to their house to drink the night away in their basement...yes, I said drink and ninth grade in the same sentence. Just a reminder of where I was, where I could have been, where I could be now and oh where I am and how proud I am to say such. I am in no way saying anything bad about others but am simply praising God for the life I live now. Those who know me know that drugs were not and will never be a part of my life...but drinking, oh the hard liquor was indeed my best friend more times that I care to mention.

As I hugged that mother I could relate even if just a little. This was her son. This was her child. Gone way too soon. I know how that feels. Even though 29 years is way longer than 5 days it is still the loss of a future. A wedding, grand children, a 30th birthday that should have occurred in just 13 days from today. Siblings that are hurting. In this case, a younger brother who is struggling over that fact that he just got his "clean" big brother back. Oh Lord, please be w/ their family at this most difficult time. Please carry them as you have carried me when I was unable to walk on my own.

So as I hugged the necks of so many in which I haven't seen in years, some that I would have been okay never seeing again...through the crowd I saw a face of an elementary friend. One that would spend the night at my house in second grade when I lived w/ my Mom. A friend that saw times when my Mom was not so herself. One that has had a tough life since we last spoke. As we hugged and carried on what could have been a brief conversation I mentioned how, we too, lost our child this year. She then went on to say that her friend, standing close by, lost her son a short time ago. As her friend moved closer I could tell she didn't really care to meet me nor to speak. But as I showed my friend my tattoo of Eva her friend chimed in and said that she too was scheduled to get a memorial tattoo of her son who just recently passed. She said you must be the girl that Chris Blick from the tattoo shop was talking about whose baby girl lived for just 5 days. She was ready to open up...even if just a little.

He son, passed away on the day I was due w/ Eva...March 31. Just two weeks after Eva's first breath and one week and one day after her last. He just turned 10 months the day before. His cause of death was gastro something disease. Something in which it sounded/seemed like it could have been prevented w/ the help of medical personnel (but they neglected to intervene). I am unsure and I do not want to mess up critical details. Either way, her baby is gone. Her 6 year old and 4 old and hurting. Almost just as much as she is. This girl needed to speak to me. She needed to know that she was and is not alone. She needed hugged by someone who gets it. I get it.

We spoke until 9:45...the funeral ended at 8:00. I told her all about the Highmark Caring Place (which I think I have yet to post on). I went to my van to look for info on it and when I couldn't find it I just wrote the name of the program down on a slip of paper. I included my first and last name (cause even after the length of time we spoke I don't think we ever exchanged names) and my phone number. I told her that she may not be ready yet but when and if she is...I am here. I could see the impact I had on her thru her tears and in the expression on her face and even more when she said how nice it was to talk to someone who can relate.

In ways we are so much the same...but in one way we are different. She is angry. I am not. I never really was. In the beginning, maybe. Now, nope. Don't get me wrong...I still don't understand, I still want my daughter back, and I still ask God why. Someday I will know plain as day why everything is the way it is...but today, I choose not to be mad at my Creator, Eva's Creator.

Maybe after seeing me, talking to me and hugging me her anger will soon fade away. I told her that the death of our children was and is not of God but of the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. God allows something wonderful to been seen thru it all. And although her relationship has been taken by the devil too. I promised her, that God has a bigger and better plan. Plans for her future. I promised because He promised.

Coincidence, I think not.

Please pray for their family...

On 6/23/2008 you've been gone 3 months...

2008-07-09T19:13:00.001-04:00

Oh How I Miss You Baby Girl!

5th member of our family...5 days you shared w/ us...my 5th tattoo...

I had this tattoo done on 6/24; the day after the 3 month mark of Eva entering the Gates of Heaven. Chris Blick of American Tattoos gets the credit...I'll take the credit for enduring the pain for almost 2 hours! His work is amazing! Thank you Chris! Although it is still going thru the healing process it looks great and receives a TON of compliments. Chris is highly recommend around here. He is so booked that I scheduled the appointment about 2 weeks (on April 5th) after Eva passed away...his first opening was June 24th.

On 6/17/2008 you would have been 3 months...

2008-07-09T18:57:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday To You Baby Girl!

I had this done on 6/17. When I called the man to ask about pricing and such he was taken back because his daughters name is Ava...they had considered the name Eva first. He did this for me out of the goodness of his heart. And I know that my story...as well as the stories of all of my "blog" friends...touched his heart for many years to come. Thank you D's Signs for the wonderful work you do and the fantastic job you did for us.

How awesome HE is...(a lil piece of Deeper Still in Atlanta)

2008-07-07T21:45:00.000-04:00

In Genesis, He's the breath of life
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our high priest
In Numbers, the fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Israel's Guide
Joshua, He's salvation's choice
Judges, He's Israel's Guard
In Ruth, the kinsmen's redeemer
1st and 2nd Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles He is Sovereign
In Ezra, He's the true and faithful scribe
In Nehemiah, the re-builder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms He is our morning song
In Proverbs, He is our wisdom
Ecclesiastes, He's the time and season
In Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
In Isaiah He is Prince of Peace
In Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, the call from sin
Daniel, the stranger in the fire
Hosea, the forever faithful
Joel, the spirit's power
Amos, the strong-arms that carry
Obadiah, the Lord our Savior
Jonah, the great missionary
Micah, the promise of peace
Nahum, our strength and shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's brings revival
In Haggai He restores that which was lost
IN Zachariah, He's our fountain
And in Malachi, He's the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
AND THAT'S JUST THE OLD TESTAMENT

In Matthew Mark Luke and John, He is God and Messiah
In the spirit filled book of Acts, He is the reigning fire from Heaven
In Romans, He is the grace of God
Corinthians, the power of love
Galatians, freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servant's heart
Colossians, He's God and the trinity
Thessalonians, our calling King
In Timothy, Titus and Philemon, He's our mediator and our faithful pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting courage
In James, the one who heals the sick
In 1st and 2nd Peter, our faithful shepherd
In John and Jude, He's the lover coming for His bride

AND in the Revelation, in the very end, when it's all over, said and done, when time is NO MORE. He is and will always be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace, son of Man, Lamb of God, The Great I am, Alpha and Omega, God and Savior He is Jesus Christ the Lord HE IS EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED!

I'm still here...

2008-07-07T14:23:00.000-04:00

I know, it's been almost a month since my last post. And all I can say is that we've been so busy. I mean super busy.

We went to the Jersey Shore June 11th thru the 15th. I went to Atlanta (you all knew that though) the 26th thru the 29th. I then returned back to work Tuesday, July 1st...what a joke...that could be an entire post of its own...but I won't...needless to say while I was off for the 6 months (bed rest, delivery, burial and grieving) my company came to realize that my position could be eliminated. Without going into great detail...I'll just say that this could only be a blessing in and of itself. An answered prayer (please pray for us as we try to keep our finances in check). We had the ginormous picnic on the 4th then went camping the 5th and 6th. We arrived home after dinner yesterday and slept the entire night and this morning away.

With all that said and done I will say that I have attempted to draft a post in regards to Atlanta. I am no where near finished, as it is so hard to put such an experience into words, but I promise it is soon to come...as well as the other events that have taken place. I'll be sure to post pictures, as I know you all just love to see them.

Thank you to those who continue to check-in and to those that continue to pray for us. Please don't stop!

And I needed this too! (guess who cleaned out her inbox)

2008-06-10T00:03:00.001-04:00

June 09, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
– T.S. Eliot

And these too!

June 04, 2008

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
– Beverly Sills

June 01, 2008

"Map out your future, but do it in pencil."
– Jon Bon Jovi

May 31, 2008

"If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again."
– Flavia Weedn

May 30, 2008

"Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."
– Frank Herbert

May 29, 2008

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
– Aleksei Peshkov

May 27, 2008

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work."
– John Lubbock

May 26, 2008

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
– St. Francis of Assisi

May 23, 2008

"If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine."
– Morris West

May 19, 2008

"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin."
– Ivan Turgenev

May 14, 2008

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
– Harvey Fierstein

May 13, 2008

"Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even."
– Muhammad Ali

April 27, 2008

"It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly."
– Isaac Asimov

April 26, 2008

"We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads, and along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results."
– Herman Melville

Who needed this for today? I need it for the week...better yet, the month!

2008-06-09T23:57:00.002-04:00

Monday June 09

This week's promise: God's timing is perfect

Watch the Lord rescue you

The Lord continued to strengthen Pharaoh's resolve, and he chased after the people of Israel who had escaped so defiantely. All the forces of Pharaoh's army—all his horses, chariots, and charioteers—were used in the chase.…

As Pharaoh and his army approached, the people of Israel could see them in the distance, marching toward them. The people began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help.

Then they turned against Moses and complained, "Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? Why did you make us leave? Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our Egyptian slavery was better than dying out here in the wilderness!"

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. You won't have to lift a finger in your defense!"

Exodus 14:8-14 NLT

Bearing down

Whatever your worries are today, they probably do not top the 600 Egyptian war chariots bearing down on the children of Israel! Trapped between the mountains and the sea, the people forgot the God who had delivered them from the Pharaoh's hand, and they cried out in despair. But Moses, who focused on the promise of God, stood firm in his hope. When we face our "chariots," it is quite normal to feel anxiety and fear. But when we remember God's faithfulness and his ability to bring good out of any situation, we find our fears calmed and our confidence renewed.

from TouchPoint Bible commentaries by Ron Beers and Gilbert Beers (Tyndale) p 62

Content is derived from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation and other publications of Tyndale Publishing House

All over the place...

2008-06-08T03:29:00.001-04:00

What to say...what to say...

I lay at night always thinking about what I will blog about next. Always talk to myself silently going over word for word of what I want to tell the blog world. Obviously the blog world realizes that those thoughts very rarely make it the screen. Oh how I wish I had good news for the outside world. How I wish I could sit here this very day and tell you all that I am doing great...

nope, ain't happening.

Although, I do think I am doing very well these days I am no where near great. This grieving the loss of your baby thing is far greater then anyone on the outside could ever imagine. It is only those select few that truly "get it". Those...those are my true friends.

I am ecstatic to announce that the mini trip planned for the end of June is a complete and total GO! I am all in and cannot wait. For those wondering I will give you a few of the details...I will be attending a conference 700 some miles away. Something of which I have never done, this will be my first. I will be flying out of Pittsburgh w/ a mommy of an angel (two angels at that). I cannot wait to see this females face, oh the tears that will be shed. Once arriving at our destination we will be greeted by not one, not two, not three....but FOUR! Yes, FOUR more mommies of angels. Can you imagine the joy in that airport, parking lot, hotel that day, that weekend...those four days. Oh, I cannot wait. A part of me wants to be nervous, but why. These girls already know me, they know my heart, my desires, my pain...these girls get it. They get me!

Thank you for the prayers in which helped this entire plan and trip come together as it has. I know that thru the power and love of God and our babies in His arms we, the six of us, have been united via the Internet and will be united face to face in just short of 3 weeks. There are many more than just the six of us. We will miss you...those of which we will not see on this one occasion. But I hope, I dream, I pray...that someday, we ALL will get a chance to meet, face to face, maybe even w/ our families in tote. Someday. And if not here on Earth, we will in Heaven...I will rejoice either way.

I sit here tonight w/ a second floor full of boys. A group of boys that have been friends since first grade. Dominic celebrated his 12th birthday once again. This time w/ his friends instead of his family...but these boys, might as well be his family...they are close knit. Close knit as I feel I am w/ girls that I have never even met...how weird that seems. I cherish, for Dominic, the friendships that he has. I cherish my own just as much.

Okay, I feel as if I am rambling. Maybe I am just delirious. It has been a long day. Soccer tournaments from 10:30 till 1:45 (we should have been there at 9:50 till 3:00). The ninety degree weather, the blaring sun and me rubbing ice cubes up and down my arms, face and chest did me no good...sunscreen might have worked a tad bit better. I look like a lobster. A lobster w/ a nice white circle in the middle of my chest (always wearing my necklace from Heather)!

After soccer (and a quick shower to cool off) my list looked like this:

Giant Eagle (sushi and gift cards)
Cemetery (always make time for my baby girl)
Toys R Us (use gift cards - gotta get the points off of my gas)
The Exchange (return)
Foot Locker (Dom sandals)
Greeting Gallery (gift - one for me and one for someone else)
Shop N Save (pizza and hoagies)
Subway (added to list after Shop N Save was outta hoagies)
Clean out van (ARRGGG!)

Needless to say, me and Mya did it all in about 3 hours. Then I needed another shower and we headed to Dominic's KSWA party.

The kids had a good time but we (Dominic too) came to realize that this will be his last KSWA party as they were more interested last year.

I spoke to Many caring people tonight. Those who knew what to say...and those who did not. No one upset me intentionally but some just didn't know that we said goodbye to our precious baby girl only 11 weeks ago. You know, the ones that say "how's the little one"? The same one that sent me a myspace message the day after she was buried saying congratulations. I didn't have it in me that day to say that she was gone. I just hoped that he'd read my blogs on myspace. Which reflect the same exact posts on here. He didn't. But it's okay. It feels good to cry sometimes. Even in public at that. I cannot pretend that this doesn't hurt or pretend that this pain isn't real. It seemed like a story before. It seems so real now. She's gone. She's not coming back. I can go to the cemetery every day. I know it won't bring her back. I can hope and dream and pray for God to fill this void, but nothing...no one...will ever take her place. That is why I can see other babies. Boys or girls. Her age or not.

I can go to my friends house who delivered twins just four short weeks after Eva was born. I can have hope seeing that set of twins knowing that on March 26th this year, their brother would have been one. But because of God's plan and the severest case of OI...baby Ryan was waiting for Eva in Heaven on what would have been his first birthday here on Earth. I can walk right in to Brandy's house and go right for baby Chloe, and Camden too. I can feed her, change her and hold her close smelling her new baby smell and you know what...it does nothing for me. Don't get me wrong...it brings joy to my heart and happiness in my arms and thankfulness to God for allowing two beautiful beings to be given to a family that hurt so bad just a year ago. But these babies are not mine. They look nothing like Eva. They smell nothing like Eva. They are not my Eva. That is what makes it all so much better and so much easier to handle.

I don't even know what my intent was w/ this post. I do know that it is late. 2:50AM at that. Seven more minutes...marks 11 weeks that Eva took her last breath and when her heart and lungs gave up here on Earth. She fought long and hard to give us what she gave and I thank her and God for it all. All that she and He gave me in those very short but very long 5 days, 18 hours and 10 minutes. Life as I knew it has changed. And I thank You Both for that.

Prayer request...for me...I am experiencing pain again. Above my incision. Puffiness and pain. Nothing major but nothing that seems to be normal either. I want it to be nothing. But I think that would be too easy. My life...has been far from easy. And because of fear...I tend to think the worst. Please pray that it is nothing. Please pray that it goes away. Please pray that if it is something that it is minor and can be fixed easily. I pray that it doesn't stand in the way of my desires, future, hopes nor dreams. Fear sucks! It's right there w/ losing my daughter these days. Fear...go away!

Eva has a new friend...

2008-06-01T23:33:00.002-04:00

As we celebrated Dominic's 12th birthday yesterday I am saddened to read today that baby Jacob has joined Eva in the arms of our Heavenly Father. We know this heartache all too well. Please be thinking of and praying for the entire Fahmer Family in the days to come. Although loss is somewhat expected w/ having a trisomy 18 child you are never ever truly prepared for this pain. It has been 10 weeks since Eva left my chest and I still hurt every day. I will think about her, miss her and wish she were here everyday for the rest of my life. Over time it may get easier but the pain will never go away. With that said my heart aches w/ and for Karen, Jason, Joshua and Jonathan. Their lives have been forever touched and will never be the same. I cry w/ and for you tonight as we miss our babies. We rest in knowing that we will see them again...but knowing that doesn't make this journey any easier.

The latest post from Jacob's blog...

Saturday, May 31, 2008

It is with a weird combination of a heavy heart and sense of celebration that we are sad to announce that Jacob went home to be with the Lord today around 5:30 PM. Please pray that his life continues to be celebrated and that others draw close to Christ as a result of his passing.

Posted by Fahmer at 6:46 PM 185 comments

Thinking of you Ashley...

2008-05-22T20:47:00.001-04:00

Please pray for their hearts as they mourn the loss of their precious daughter. I know their pain all too well, it tears at my heart.

The latest from Ashley's Caring Page...

THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2008 06:03 PM, CDT
This is not something I hoped to share so soon - Faith died at 5:32 this evening.

More information will follow later.

Tom

Friday morning PS - Ashley and Adam are home now and are working on funeral arrangements... details will be posted soon.

I want to encourage everyone to take some time to sign Faith's online guestbook - even if you only sign your name. It is a great encouragement - something difficult to explain.

There are a lot of things to work through right now - and God's grace is evident in the courage and fortitude Adam and Ashley are demonstrating each step of the way.

This will be a long journey for Ashley, Adam and the girls. Right now, there is a lot of work to do but as time passes, their heart will catch up with their mind and our faithful acts of love and encouragement will be needed and appreciated.

Tom

Update on Faith...

2008-05-22T16:21:00.000-04:00

Update from Ashley's Caring Page...

THURSDAY, MAY 22, 2008 01:41 PM, CDT
She's here! Faith Ann Webb was born at 12:12PM Thursday, May 22nd.

Weighing in at 4lb 10oz and 18 inches long she is bright eyed and bringing smiles to everyone!

Ashley had a quick labor and everything well. (A little too quick - the scheduled doctor couldn't make it in time:)

Right now, Ashley, Adam and family are enjoying some time together - so I am off to join the crew... update and photos will follow later.

Ashley's very proud big brother,

Tom

Another Urgent Prayer Request!

2008-05-22T00:07:00.003-04:00

I read this post tonight on Angie Smith's blog...I reposted it cause I coundn't word it any better than she did. My heart aches for the Chapman family.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Urgent Prayer Request
I can't think of a faster, more efficient way to mobilize prayer than to post this here...

Please, please pray (right now!) for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. Details are still in process, but it appears that one of his sons was pulling into their driveway this evening and did not see his sister (5 year old Maria..adopted from China) in front of him. She was struck by the car and killed.

I have met him, but do not know him personally, although his reputation as a Christ-centered man precedes him. I cannot imagine what they are going through right now.

Please pray specifically for peace tonight in the midst of the storm. Feel free to leave those prayers here in the comments section, as well as any scriptures you feel you have been led to pray for them. There is power in the living word of God...power that a dear family needs tonight.

Thank you-
Angie

PLEASE PRAY FOR FAITH ANN!!!

2008-05-21T22:43:00.002-04:00

Please pray tonight, tomorrow and for many days to come for the sweet family of Faith Ann Webb... Mom Ashley, Dad Adam, and big sisters Brooke and Hannah will be welcoming baby Faith Ann into this world tomorrow. We already know that, due to the trisomy 18 diagnosis, Faith and her family will need God's hands in all that they face in the minutes, hours, day, weeks and years ahead. Please pray for His perfect timing and for their hearts to feel His love and comfort. They need to feel our prayers as they face the unpredictable.

Rain...Rain...Go Away!

2008-05-20T10:17:00.001-04:00

It has been raining for days. I don't care for rain. I'd rather it snow...and I don't like snow either. But at least w/ snow you can walk in and out of places w/out getting drenched or even really wet for that matter.

The rain seems to damper my day...as well as my mood. Even if we get a little bit of sunshine it still manages to rain somewhere throughout the day. The cemetery is a swamp. That's the only thing I don't like about where Eva was laid to rest. It is grossly muddy and soggy. The ground has settled a little too much where her tiny casket went into the ground and it tends to obtain a nice puddle.

Friday I stopped by the cemetery, as I still do on a daily basis. I squatted down to talk to her and asked her to send us some sunshine. I told her to get in kahoots (is that even a word or the way to spell it) w/ God and send us some sun! Vinnie was home from work earlier and I was running errands before the kids got off their buses. Dominic has been squinting a little too much lately so I thought it'd be best for an eye exam since his last one was in 2006. I was able to get him an appt at 5:30 and we were planning to go to Olive Garden for dinner at 6:30 so it worked out pretty nice. As we exited the mall after the eye exam to head to dinner...would you believe it...the rain had subsided and we had the most gorgeous sunshine for what seemed like a few hours! I knew she could hear me. I knew They could here me. What a difference a little bit of sun can do to ones mood! Dinner was great (thanks Aunt Donna for the birthday gift card)!

I guess I haven't posted in a while. Just backing up a few days...I celebrated my first birthday and mothers day as a mother of 3...all in one week. My birthday was no big deal, as it never is, nor has it been since I had kids of my own. We would normally do dinner or something, which we did...but this year we ate pasta dinner at Mya's school. Yum! (can you sense the sarcasm)? Mother's day was fine (as I posted that afternoon) but I did go to the cemetery that evening then to a family/friends house to watch the Penguin game. I let my emotions get the best of me as I sat next to one of my very bestest friends (whose birthday was that day) and sensed that she was miserable (it was one of those numbers that I guess as a woman we don't like too much). I asked if she was miserable, she said yes. I said well I'm right there w/ you. She said well at least you aint *0...(that number she doesn't like) and I said I'd rather be *0 and have all my children here than to be 29 w/out Eva. SO of course I cried.

I think I should be crying more. I don't think I should be doing this well. All in all I think being off work helps tremendously. I am sure that once I go back and get back into the swing of things I will be fine...but the thought of doing ANYTHING that I did when I was pregnant...is heart wrenching! I mean even down to watching certain TV shows and watching particular movies. I had to cancel my Netflix membership because I had two movies that sat on my computer desk from three days before Eva was born until last week. I couldn't bring myself to watch them. Seems silly, even to me, but you just don't know what it feels like to do things...like go places where I last went while pregnant. Work is one of those places. I have only been back once since Eva was born and gone...and that was for a co-workers shower. I was there for less than two hours and that was enough for me. Taking the bus too. I just don't wanna do it. Please pray for me as I am to return back to work within the next couple of weeks.

Another prayer request...I am attempting to plan a mini trip the end of June. And leaving Vinnie, Dominic and Mya behind (I'll posted details later so you'll understand why they would not be coming along). I am still praying about this. Praying that everything works out as it is supposed to and that all the details, big and small, fall into place. Praying that I am physically, mentally, emotionally and financially able to do this...as my heart desires it oh so much.

I thank those who continue to follow and pray for me...and for us. I guess the less I post the less I hear from my fellow bloggers, but who am I to say anything cause I read many and comment few and far between.

I know I still have some catching up to do but being so far behind I forget a lot of what I had wanted to say.

Please pray for the family of Zoe Elizabeth Batiansila as it seems she is getting tired these days.

And please continue to pray for Jacob Ryan Fahmer as he seems to be feeling a little better but not completely outta the woods.

Thanks Mel...

2008-05-13T14:47:00.004-04:00

LISTEN & WATCH VIDEO HERE

MARIAH CAREY

"Bye Bye"

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
Assume that you reached a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather's
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

JACOB UPDATE

2008-05-13T10:27:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Update
Hi. It's Karen. Jacob has headed in a new direction. He spiked a fever of 102.1 (which is high for him since his temp is usually about 96 or 97). His respiratory rate and heart rate increased which gave him less frequent apnea spells but we fear him tiring out....he was breathing with lots of effort. We wiped him down with a wash cloth (meds are not an option and he should not be submerged to avoid chilling him) and this dropped his temp to 98.6 which is great. Pray he maintains that. He is now resting comfortably, his heart rate is normal for him and his apnea spells are still happening but he is alert to snap himself out of it. His belly is distended which leads me to believe his higher calorie formula could be giving him tummy trouble. He is currently on plain breastmilk again and his next feed we will give him one dose of pedialyte and then back to breastmilk to avoid bloating like last weeks episode. So, that is where we are at. THANK YOU for all your prayers and support. Please pray for wisdom and guidance and a strong, fighting baby boy.

URGENTPRAYERREQUEST

2008-05-12T22:00:00.002-04:00

Below is the most recent post on baby Jacob Ryan Fahmer 's blog. I know how they feel at such an uncertain time. Please pray for all that are involved...mom, dad...both big brothers...and for the nurses and/or doctors (as well as their entire family)!

And most of all pray for Jacob...that he feels no pain and does not struggle and that God will comfort them as the make decisions that parents should never have to make. Only God knows the number of Jacobs days....praying that He allows the Farmer family many many more w/ their precious miracle child who has already beat so many odds!

Praying for you, Karen, Jason, Joshua, Jonathan and even more for you baby JACOB!

Urgent Prayer Requested!
Karen called me home from work tonight because Jacob wasn't doing well. His nurse is at the house currently and he's having difficulty breathing in his right lung. He's spewed out most of his last feed from over 5 hours ago and it doesn't look like he was digesting it or absorbing his medicine. The worst part though is that he's had several long periods where he's stop breathing all together and hasn't been able to be stimulated out of it. The nurse is giving us instructions on how to stimulate his heart as long as it continues to beat and after that... we're not ready to go there! Please continue to lift him up and pray that he is able to breathe steadily and tolerate his food and medicine! Thanks!

Wake up...and smell the roses...

2008-05-11T18:49:00.009-04:00

I know that I have been posting a lot less lately and I have a lot of catching up to do but I am not going to do that right now. I sometimes just don't feel like sitting here and typing the day away. If I could speak my way thru a post I would do it all the time. Those who know me...know I can talk...a little too much I guess! :) (Sorry Kristy and Alicia! - Believe it or not I spoke to each of you for 111 minutes the other day!)

I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of my Mommy friends...near and far...new and old! You all mean a lot to me and have help me get through each and every day of this new life I am living.

Happy Mother's Day to you MOM and Grandma too! I love you both more than you may ever know.

I slept in very late today...3:50pm to be exact. I may have been up off and on throughout the morning but didn't really get up up until then. So, yes, needless to say...I missed church, again.

I am supposed to be getting showered and dressed and ready to go to our friend's house (although I did manage to get to the grocery store already to buy the "Penguin Game Essentials" for Vinnie) but I jumped on here to read my "blogger families" updates.

I came across a post of Kristy's that I wanted to share...

http://www.heirloomroses.com/

Their roses are amazing!

As you all know...Eva's name means LIFE. I did a search for life on the website and this was one of the four results...

It's called...Good Life!

I fell in love!

It is beautiful and unique...just as Eva is.

(A lovely exhibition formed rose. Its unusual color is an apricot orange with dark veining in the petals making it very unique. A vigorous, upright plant with rich green foliage.)

I showed it to Vinnie...and he too agreed.

We can't plant them at the cemetery cause of the bunnies or whatever animal that has eaten or other roses but we can get them to plant them here...either along the side of the house or in the wonderful angel planters that we had at the funeral home.

Either way I am excited.

Thank you for sharing Kristy!

I Believe...that I needed this email today!

2008-05-09T13:15:00.004-04:00

I Believe... That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe... That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.'

Jacob needs your prayers...

2008-05-06T22:47:00.002-04:00

Please visit, comment and pray for the family of baby Jacob Ryan Fahmer. He seems to be having some difficulties these days and is in need of your thoughts and prayers at this time. Please pray for his mom, dad and big brothers too. This journey is not an easy one but we all know that God has it all under control. Even when we don't understand...His timing is perfect in all things. We must believe that!

Do not be afraid...

2008-05-05T00:28:00.000-04:00

The Lord who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you."
Isaiah 43:1-2 NLT

Thank you...and...Playing Catch Up

2008-05-01T23:57:00.016-04:00

(F)orever (R)elying (O)n (G)od!

Thank you for the prayers lifted up on my dads behalf. His surgery went well and he is home resting. As you can probably tell I was not able to blog while waiting for him. I was able to get a signal but could not access any pages. So I uploaded pics, read a new book, made a few calls and thought about Eva the entire time we were there. For whatever reason Mondays and Thursdays are tough for me. I miss her so much and the pain is sometimes unbearable. It made he think about all the appointments that I would have w/ her if she were still here. All the appointments that I so very much wanted to attend and anticipated...

I was going to wait to share this but why wait...This is one of the very few clips we have of Eva while in the NICU. I knew I had this clip but never watched it until two nights ago. And even then I showed it to Vinnie first thru the camera. It was when he said "did you see this" that I opened it on the PC and about fell off the edge of the bed. I didn't know it was to this extent. It may look like nothing to you...but it means the WORLD to me! And it made my day, night, week, month, year! (might be hard to see...but the focus would be on her eyes and the binky).

Okay, let me try and catch up...

Wednesday, April 23 - Eva's 1st month in Heaven...

I thought this day would be hard...I thought it'd be much harder than it actually was. It really wasn't hard at all. I didn't plan anything for that day "just in case". We didn't do too much besides went to the cemetery and gave Eva a little "makeover". We were pleased w/ the results of Eva's Extreme Makeover...

BEFORE

AFTER

Yes, we tend to make ourselves a little comfy...(those would he his shoes and socks in the background)

I like sky shots these days...

A storm appeared to be brewing...

Pinwheels, pinwheels spinning around...

Afterwards, we met up w/ my friend M and her son C for ice cream. It was nice to hang out in the parking lot as well as in the candy store. The yummiest was the chocolate dipped marshmallows on a stick...and even our dogs made out! :)

I know...it looks a little gross...but it wasn't!

They weren't too sure what to do w/ these...

Later that night I ended up in the basement for a while trying to organize my maternity clothes. I didn't realize how much I had until then. WOW! Craig's List sure did come in handy this time around! I may have spent a total of $150 and oh my do I have a lot (8 pairs of jeans, 30 some shirts, several sweaters, dress shirts, dress pants, etc). And being on bed rest the last 10-12 weeks...lets just say many things were never even worn. But I have so much to either resell, lend out, give away or save for the future...I still have clothes from Dominic and Mya's pregnancies too which added to the mess...needless to say I am not quite finished organizing.

Thursday, April 24

My mom had called a little after noon and left a message stating that she and her friend CK we going to lunch. I wasn't ready (cause I was still in bed) but decided that I'd try to make it anyways and got up. (CK had lost her 17 yr old daughter AK in January 2007. AK was walking home from a friends house when a drunk driver-junky jumped the curb in a truck or van and slammed right into her pinning her between the vehicle and a building. This was CK's only living child...CK had delivered twins girls (AK & CK) but lost (CK) at birth...AK was her one and only baby girl left). My reason for going into that detail here is because I felt the need that day to see CK and to talk w/ her and to give her a hug. If anyone knows this pain...she would (and it turns out that she was having a difficult day).

I missed lunch but met up w/ them at the store across the street. From there they were going to visit AK at the cemetery, the same cemetery where my grandfather is. I went w/ them and placed some flowers w/ AK...the ones we removed from Eva the night before.

When standing over my pap pap there was a women standing right next to him visiting both of her parents. One passed in October, the other in December...they were both in their 90's. How blessed they all were...to have their parents that long, to have been married 68 some years and to have them not be able to live w/out one another and to be reunited w/ each other in Heaven so soon. God is good! I stood and spoke to this women for what seemed like a hour...we talked about my kids, her kids and life. She is a home health nurse so we even talked about medical stuff too. We hugged as we departed and I left smiling and happy to have met someone so nice and caring.

We had soccer practice later that night, met w/ my friend M and her son C again at the field. Dominic and C played kickball w/ a ton of kids, rode bikes and played while Mya practiced. We got fast food after and came home having had a great day.

Friday, April 25

I went to my office downtown for a co-workers baby shower. It was nice to be in the work setting w/out having to actually work...sorry R...I'll be back some day! lol

Cake was great, vanilla ice cream is boring...and my sushi place was sold out! Vinnie had dropped me off to get back to get the kids after school so I took a bus home. I was able to see a couple of bus friends that I hadn't seen in a few months so that was nice as well.

Vinnie and the kids got me from the bus stop, we stopped to grab chips to go w/ my dip I made (Vinnie actually made it) and went to the cemetery before heading to my friend T's son C's 2nd b-day party. We had a great night celebrating and eating w/ friends and got home late.

Again, we get comfy...

And some of us like to pose...

I wasn't mad...just didn't know I was being photographed at that very moment...

Not sure...don't ask! Can we say...class clown? Better yet, DORK!

How cool are these...

I set the camera on the stone in front of Eva...zoomed in...set the timer...and ran!

Mya did this one...(setting the timer that is).

Not sure again...

My pretty pretty princess shining through...

C's b-day party...how cute is he?

This was my..."I'm ready when you are Vinnie" face...it was late!

Saturday, April 26 - One month since we buried Eva

To be continued...(I'm beat)!

Real quick...

2008-04-30T23:00:00.003-04:00

I feel like I haven't blogged in like forever. I have so many pics to add and things to tell y'all about the past week but sometimes blogging takes too long. In which tonight, I just don't have all that time.

I have to be up at 5am to take my dad in for surgery. Some of you know because of my prayer request text, but my dad got hurt at work on Monday and it was pretty bad. He uses a band saw at work that is an inch and a half wide and twenty feet long. He was considering changing the blade that morning and for some reason (GOD) he didn't. Therefore, what could have been losing all his fingers turns out he took out the knuckle and a major tendon instead (thank you Jesus!). I prayed on my way to the ER and had my "warriors" praying too (prayers were answered). He went from 1st needing to be transferred from that hospital to another for immediate surgery to just being stitched up and discharged w/ the follow-up today. I took him to the appointment today which resulted in surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning (and all the pre-op stuff being handled in the facility we were at - so convenient).

So on that note...I was up early and out all day and am a little sleepy now, even w/ a nap after dinner. I plan to take the lap top w/ me tomorrow and blog it up while he is in surgery. If I can't get all the words out there I'll at least try to get the pics up and then add the words later. I know when I check on my blog friends I love to see something rather than nothing...pics will at least be added...unless I can't get service or in case any issues arise w/ his surgery.

I'll refrain from adding the pics of his hand...I took 2 while it was open and 2 after it was closed...you ask why I would do such? I wanted to be able to show my dad the damage done later in case the pain meds made him loopy (which they did) and he may have been in a state of shock too. Not to mention that it was a good thing that I took them because they came in handy today while seeing the surgeon. So again, I'll refrain from adding those cause I'm sure it would be difficult to clean vomit outta your keyboard! lol

Please pray for us, my dad as we go in tomorrow morning. Even though it is out patient you just never know. It is still surgery and still requires sedation. Possibly general anesthetic w/ a breathing tube. Please pray for the doctors and that all goes well.

I thought I'd need prayer for me being that I hadn't seen the hospital setting since leaving the maternity ward/NICU w/out Eva. Don't get me wrong, Monday was tough and tears were shed but I pulled it together before my dad came back from x-ray and have been doing well since. Today was a little rough just because I got irritated w/ the medical system and the lack of communication between personnel but I managed to get it all worked out...and the day went well thereafter.

Trying to get some sleep tonight since my schedule is not up to par these days. Be back tomorrow!

AWESOME!

2008-04-28T23:43:00.008-04:00

http://www.vimeo.com/951902/

An amazing family!

And oh how they describe what being on this journey has felt like...

Visit Moms blog here - Audrey Caroline Smith

.

Email...

2008-04-28T21:17:00.002-04:00

If anyone tried to email me (directly) today or tonight please resend it.

It didn't come through.

Thank you!

jane7doe7@aol.com

.

Busy...Busy...Busy

2008-04-28T16:47:00.000-04:00

We have been having too many good days!!!...or should I say SO many (can never have too many, right)?

One after another!

So when I get my thoughts, words and pictures caught up to post on our past several days I will.

Sheesh!

I get not so nice comments when I post my inner thoughts and feelings, then get so busy w/ fantastic days and only pop in to post quotes and/or emails...then get more not so nice comments.

Can't please everyone...and I do believe that my God is pleased w/ ME...why else would we be blessed w/ answered prayers and great days!

Thank you Lord for loving ME!

Quote of the Day...so true, so true...!!!

2008-04-25T02:07:00.000-04:00

April 25, 2008

Quote of the Day

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments, but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures."– Joseph Addison

Quote of the Day...

2008-04-24T23:27:00.001-04:00

April 21, 2008

Quote of the Day

"There is a sense of exhilaration that comes from facing head-on the hard truths and saying, 'We will never give up. We will never capitulate. It might take a long time, but we will find a way to prevail.'" – Jim Collins

This week's promise...

2008-04-24T23:23:00.002-04:00

Thursday April 24

This week's promise: The gift of salvation

Formed and reformed

I was appointed in ages past, at the very first, before the earth began.
Proverbs 8:23 NLT

Lord my God, You have formed and reformed me.
St. Anselm

Sin and assurance

Our human pride often reverses the order of things. We think God came into our lives rather late. Our identity was firmly established, and then He invited Himself in, trying to woo us into a relationship with Him. We were in control of the heart that opened up to Him. Or so we thought.

In spite of our sense of independence, God has a prior claim on us. He created the world that became our necessary environment. He began the genetic process that eventually resulted in our birth. He even fashioned us in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13). He is no late-coming Redeemer. He and His wisdom have been there all along.

This is extremely important to know when it seems as if your life is falling apart. It isn't. The life you have constructed may be falling apart, but the life God has fashioned is not. His wisdom has known all things before the foundations of the world— including you. If God has let you be undone, He has allowed it for a reason. He is bringing you to the end of your sinful self and to the beginning of life in His secure arms. God is bringing you home.

Do you realize how thoroughly rooted in eternity your life is? It was not an afterthought in the mind of a play-it-by-ear God. Did you think your sin was a surprise to Him? It wasn't. He has already made provision for it. Before the foundation of the world, He did at least two things: He brought forth His wisdom; and He thought of you (Ephesians 1:4). His wisdom and your existence went hand in hand. Does that boggle your mind? It should. Rest in the assurance of a forever-wise God.

Adapted from The One Year® Walk with God Devotional by Chris Tiegreen, Tyndale House Publishers (2004), entry for May 7. (THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY)

Content is derived from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation and other publications of Tyndale Publishing House

Drink, Steal, Swear & Lie...

2008-04-24T23:07:00.001-04:00

(another email forward that I liked)

I met this guy while I was in Albuquerque and he has a motto he lives by everyday.

He said listen carefully and live by these 4 rules: drink, steal, swear, & lie.

I was shaking my head no, but he then told me to listen while he explained his four rules.

So here they are:

1. 'Drink' from the 'everlasting cup' every day.

2. 'Steal' a moment to help someone that is in worse shape than you are.

3. 'Swear' that you will be a better person today than yesterday.

4. And last, but not least, when you 'lie' down at night thank god you live in America and have freedom. And thank him for being a loving, forgiving God who promises eternal life with him!

I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good as I could be but thank God I am better than I used to be!

What a great reminder of an even greater truth...

2008-04-24T22:47:00.001-04:00

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of Passage?

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.

He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sunshine through it.

He cannot cry out for help to anyone.

Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified.

He can hear all kinds of noises.

Wild beasts must surely be all around him.

Maybe even some human might do him harm.

The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.

It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.

It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.

He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

We, too, are never alone.

Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.

When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

If you liked this story, pass it on.

If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.

Moral of the story:

Just because you cannot see God, does not mean He is not there.

'For we walk by faith, not by sight.'

I like these...thanks Happy Gram!

2008-04-24T12:17:00.000-04:00

1. Realize you can’t please everybody. Even God can’t do that! Refuse to play games (Matthew 22:18).

2. Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations. Confront them by “telling the truth in love.”

3.NEVER retaliate (Matthew 5:38-39). It only lowers you to their level.

4.Pray for them (Matthew 5:44). It will help both of you. Let God speak to them.

Why are you here?

2008-04-23T22:57:00.003-04:00

As if yesterday's comment wasn't enough...

Krissy has left a new comment on your post "In the eyes of a child...Mya, that is...":

I hope you are not taking all of this out on Vinny. He is grieving too and you need to be sensitive to his feelings as well as your own. Lean on him, don't attack!

Posted by Krissy to EVA = life; living one... JANETTE = God is Gracious... at April 22, 2008 12:33 PM

Of all days anonymous found it necessary today...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Are you kidding me?":

and what is wrong with telling her to consider that her husband has feelings too? she is not the only one suffering this loss! Get over it.

Posted by Anonymous to EVA = life; living one... JANETTE = God is Gracious... at April 23, 2008 12:16 PM

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Are you kidding me?":

I too agree, you act as if YOU are the ONLY one hurting, my gosh open up and see that your whole family is hurting, just because YOU carried her doesn't mean it hurts you more then him. I don't see anything WRONG with what she posted, jeeze girl GET OVER YOURSELF.

Posted by Anonymous to EVA = life; living one... JANETTE = God is Gracious... at April 23, 2008 7:52 PM

My question to everyone who visits this page is...why are you here?

This is a public journal of my life, my daughters life and my journey to meet her and thereafter. No where in the last sentence does it say anything about you. Meaning that I don't need to hear from you. I don't need your feedback.

The comments that are warm, comforting and uplifting have been and are more than welcome but those that come from the devil are not. A person of God would not say such things, to anyone. Especially to someone going through such heartache as I am.

Romans 16:20
The Message
20 Don't be gullible in regard to smooth-talking evil. Stay alert like this, and before you know it the God of peace will come down on Satan with both feet, stomping him into the dirt. Enjoy the best of Jesus!

This is MY blog. Not Vinnie's. Therefore, I share MY thoughts and MY feelings. I know how Vinnie feels. I should know him a little more than anyone of you reading this, shouldn't I?

I have never said anything about not being sensitive to his feelings. Nor have I said anything about me not leaning on him. Actually, we've been leaning on each other this entire time, but I don't have to justify any of that to anyone out there. Where did it come across that I was attacking him or anyone else in any way?

In the post prior to the first comment I simply asked for prayer. Prayer for God to continue carrying us through and to be sure that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Where did that say that there was a problem? I said it was a difficult night. That could have meant many of things.

Why would anyone assume that I am taking anything out on Vinnie? Why would anyone assume that I have the energy to attack these days? Better yet, why would anyone assume that I even would...ever...attack him or anyone else?

When people comment like this it makes me think that this person knows me...knows us...to think they have such right to say anything of the sort. But then I have to think that someone that knows me, knows us...wouldn't be such a coward and would let themselves be known. Not to mention how you'd think that those who "know" would know how to spell our names...(Vinnie)!

No one knows the situation that I was asking for prayer for (that's why it was mentioned as unforeseen). Again, those out there could only assume that there was an issue between us...it could have been and might still be something that we are both going thru together...not against each other.

I never said that I was the only one hurting (if I did please show me where) but this is a blog about ME and MY feelings. Not really about anyone elses. I know my family's pain - believe you me. I know their feelings. I see my family every day...do you?

Those who have walked this path know...that as a MOTHER we grieve so differently than the fathers. Yes, we carried these children...therefore we have a different, stronger bond between them than the father ever will especially because these babies were here for such a short time and chances are WE as their MOTHER's spent more time w/ them than anyone else. The hurt may be similar but I can honestly say, and Vinnie agrees, that it is not the same. And as a MOTHER - of 3 - I do hurt more over losing Eva than anyone else ever has and ever will and that is completely normal and how it should be, ask around...

I could adjust my blog to weed out all of the crude comments by not allowing anonymous to put in their two cents but I shouldn't have to change my ways for someone on the outside.

Ephesians 4:29
Amplified Bible
29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it.

But what I can do is forgive you and PRAY. Pray for the individuals that do not know God as their Personal Saviour. Pray for those who are troubled and struggling...maybe even more than I am right now. Maybe they are here for a reason. Maybe they were brought here by God so that He can be seen through me.

Vinnie re-read this before I posted it. He didn't want me to even bother responding at first but now has given me a high five and said how proud he is of me and held me in his arms w/ an incredible hug. He said that if this was happening 8 years ago when I was pregnant w/ Mya that I would have never approached this situation (anonymous comments) like I have today. And my "big sis" Dawn, had commented the last time this happened w/ the comment regarding my Mom...saying the same thing. Years ago when my relationship w/ God was much less than what it is now...I would not have been sitting here as I am now. I likely would have let the devil get the best of me and attacked the attacker. Nope, not now. I will attack in a different way. A better way. The way that God would want me to...

So from now on, I will be praying for you, anonymous commenter(s)...

AND this will be the last time I acknowledge the coward...

Father, Your Word says unforgiveness will stop my prayers from being answered and give the enemy a place in my life. Your Word also says that if I do not forgive others, neither will You forgive me for the wrong things I have said and done. Right now, in the name of Jesus, I forgive those who have hurt me, cursed me, used me, condemned me or come against me in any way. I forgive them and set my will to forget those things. I ask that You, in Your mercy and compassion, forgive them as well. I thank You, Father, for Your forgiveness and Your mercy, and I praise Your glorious Name.

I have on the Armor of God. I am fully dressed in His protection and stand complete in Him expecting victory over every attack from the devil. As I put His word before Him w/ prayer and thanksgiving, His Words have opportunity to work and perform as He promised!

Psalm 91
The Message
1-13
You who sit down in the High God's presence,
spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you— </EM>
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
ot disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
arm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.
14-16
If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

***More to come on how we celebrated Eva's first month in Heaven***

Today has been a better day...

2008-04-22T22:27:00.009-04:00

By far today was a better day.

I had gone shopping (alone which is always nice) and then had a doctors appointment (my incision became very painful on Sunday and into yesterday so I gave in and called the office - I was trying to wait until my 6 week check-up next Thursday).

At the store the cashier (I made a return first) noticed my new necklace immediately! I'm loving it! And she loved it too!

At the doctors office many noticed the necklace right away. Everyone was thrilled that someone I never even met had made such a wonderful treasure for me! Thank you again Heather for making it and Kenzie for giving my address!

My incision is fine...perfect so they say...(not perfect if you ask me...still sore to touch and press on and it appears they made the first cut...then realized they needed a little more room for my big baby Eva to fit thru so they cut a little more on the one side...so it is so no even!) But I love my incision! I love my permanent scar for my baby girl that I did any and everything for to make it into this world safely. And she did! All 4 pounds, 11 ounces and 18 inches of her!

Just a reminder pic of my precious little one!

I had to have an ultrasound (at the doctors today) of my incision to see the layers to make sure there was no fluid or bleeding underneath. The doc figured all was well but wanted to be safe than sorry. Fine by me. Although it wasn't easy seeing an empty uterus! :'(

Pictures from today...

Eva's dandelions all dried up...

Dominic trying to fix them...he did the E and gave up...lol - wonder if that position hurt his wrist?

As Dominic calls it...we were chillaxin w/ Eva...

Haha...yep, me smiling...is this the first pic of me actually looking at the camera? Wow, it's been a while! (that would be Mya's shoe to the right...yep, she was running through the cemetery in her socks! It's okay though...they were Barbie socks that said Monday on them (yes, it's Tuesday) and they were on the wrong feet. The Barbie faces were on the insides. There was no school today, so that explains it. And dad was w/ her since I was out...go figure)!

Chillaxin some more...

I did...we did...plenty of laughing out load today. My kids (Vin, Dom, Mya - I think I'll just claim four from now on) ran around the cemetery like dorks today. Jumping, falling, laughing, screaming...you name it they were doing it. They had fun. I just sat and watched...and yes, I was cracking up. So embarrassing! I hope no one was watching (besides those Above - and I'm sure they got a kick out of it)!

Are you kidding me?

2008-04-22T16:27:00.000-04:00

This post is for Krissy (which may or may not even be your name) who was ever so kind to comment me...and because I do not want to address this comment here...I ask you, Krissy, to please email me directly.

jane7doe7@aol.com

I'll just wait to hear back from you...

Thanks!

The highlights of my tear-filled day yesterday...

2008-04-22T02:57:00.003-04:00

First...I made Vinnie get "creative" w/ me at the cemetery...

These two are for you Kristy...Thinking of you and Asher on this 22nd day of the month...Love You!

And these...are pics of an absolutely amazing necklace I received in the mail. I woke up around dinner time to a pile of mail on the computer desk next to my bed w/ a package including this...

How cool is that! I love it! I put it on last night just to walk around the house. I can't wait to wear it out in public!

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH HEATHER! (and Kenzie too)!!!

Faith Creations, LLC